Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

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Ok, yes, I know. The release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer and the coming release of the film in February means that an even wider audience is going to be exposed to the incredibly inadequate portrayal of BDSM in that story.

And yes, I know. That means that a whole bunch of wannabe kinksters with fantasies bigger than their pain tolerance will be flooding into kink clubs all over the country.

But guys, buried inside of all of that rough are some seriously large diamonds. So let’d all take some deep breaths and look on the bright side.  (more…)

Mailbag Monday – July 21, 2014

Posted: July 21, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something

Here are some quick answers from to questions that I have received.

Or… In some cases, questions that someone asked in my general vicinity or somewhere on the internet. But I am answering them here, because that’s where I am.

The questions have been paraphrased or otherwise edited down to the essential details. (more…)

Attending Your First Kink Conference

Posted: July 10, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Events, Learn Something

The XCBDSM team is working hard to expand this site and make more education resources available within the kink community. 

Thunder in the Mountains is this weekend, and as I pack the last few things and get ready for the weekend, I thought I would give some tips to the first time convention-goer. On the Thunder website, there is also a list of “What To Expect” that was written specifically for Thunder, but in my experience, most of the list is applicable for any kink conference. (more…)

Mailbag Monday – July 7, 2014

Posted: July 7, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something

Here are some quick answers from to questions that I have received.

Or… In some cases, questions that someone asked in my general vicinity or somewhere on the internet. But I am answering them here, because that’s where I am.

The questions have been paraphrased or otherwise edited down to the essential details. (more…)

Cross on ModernPoly

Posted: July 3, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something
Tags: ,

Exciting news. Just as we are adding a new author here at XCBDSM, one of our own authors is contributing elsewhere as well.

The summer web series on Modern Poly features an article by Cross about raising children in poly households.

Here’s the link.

And a short excerpt:


As Polyamory begins to come out of the shadows and expose itself to the general public via increasingly open and “out” participants in the media, practical concerns about these relationships emerge. One common question is how these relationship dynamics affect children who are raised in polyamorous households.

We’ll Start With The Good News. 

Research performed by Elisabeth Sheff over a 15 year period, and detailed in her book, The Polyamorists Next Door: Inside Multiple-Partner Relationships and Families, suggests that children raised in poly households tend to show positive outcomes. These include, but are not limited to:

  • Children have more individualized time with adults, which results in a stronger bond and a healthier parent-child relationship.
  • Children spend less time in day care because of the flexibility of having multiple caregivers at home. This has obvious and substantial benefits, not least of which is that day care is ridiculously expensive, so having to use it less or not at all means more resources available for other things like healthy food.
  • Greater diversity of talents and interests available from the adults help children appreciate and seek a wider variety of hobbies.”

Read the rest at ModernPoly.com


Cross will have more articles featured on ModernPoly in the future. We will continue to post the links here when they’re available.

 

Do you have a question for the Monday Mailbag, ask it here.

1. Rape Play / TPE / CNC

Can you please tell me the difference between Rape Play vs Total Power Exchange vs Consensual Non-Consent. And also, what do you think of these things? Are they ok?

(more…)

Advice for Novices: Red Folder

Posted: June 27, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Life Log

I have reached a point, now, where I can speak about sex and BDSM with even vanilla people without much reservation or embarrassment. But it wasn’t always that way.

When we first started out, my partner and I would often have trouble saying allowed the things that we fantasized about. That’s a problem, because it keeps you from getting the things you want. So we devised a way to communicate with each other. And in the years since, we have shared this idea with others who have also been able to use it to help their relationships.

So here it is, the Red Folder. (more…)