Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category

Get What You Want/Need/Deserve…

Posted: March 15, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

When counseling people who are struggling with the behavior of their partners, I always default to something that someone told me a long time ago, in a completely unrelated context (business), but it is something that I use as the core of my relationship philosophy:

“You will never get what you deserve. You will never get what you want. You will never get what you need. You will only ever get what you negotiate for.”

When you assume a standard of conduct or manufacture a set of expectations for your partner without talking to them, regardless of why you assume or expect those things, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If it’s important to you that your partners do certain things, you have to ask them and get their agreement.

No one owes you anything except what they have agreed to. All of that baggage you have in your head that defines what a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc SHOULD do is all imaginary, and the other person can’t see it.

If it’s important to you, talk to them about it. If you are important to them, they will listen. You may not be able to get everything you want/need/deserve. But you will get more than if you say nothing.

What Does Education Mean To Me?

Posted: February 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Philosophy

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A few months ago, I published the culmination of many years of work, detailing my core beliefs and guiding principles. I said, then, that I was going to expand on each of the items listed there and it’s time to start working on that. I will be posting a long series of posts talking about the central values and ideals that I try to live by.

EDUCATION - 1

Principle: I will willingly share my skills, knowledge, and experience with others.

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Why Do We Kink?

Posted: January 9, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Philosophy

I have been involved in the public kink community now for about 11 years. In that time, I have spent countless hours discussing and debating the nature of what it is that we do, and why it is that we do it. And I have found that there are, generally, a few group of viewpoints on the subject. Many people are a mix of more than one of these. (more…)

Over this last weekend, I had the opportunity to address the Rocky Mountain Rebellion Convention in Salt Lake City. The theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”. Below is the content of that speech, as well as some additional information.

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[Full Text of Speech]

I joined the kink community on July 16, 2006. In the years since, I have lost track of the many parties, classes and social events that I have attended, but I do know that this is my 26th conference. In that time, many dates stand out, but few more than an evening in November of 2013 when I received a call telling me that a friend in the community had committed suicide.

Across the US, in any given year, 1 in 4 adults will struggle with a mental health problem, but because of stigma, lack of availability, and other factors, only a small percentage will seek help. The good news is research tells us that the prevalence of these issues in the kink community are lower than the general public. However, when people in the kink community do face a mental health challenge, they are far less likely to seek help, largely because they do not believe that their lifestyle will be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, SHAME LITERALLY TAKES LIVES.

That’s why I wear a pin on my vest for suicide awareness and prevention. It’s why our organization in Colorado is working with the NCSF and supporting their Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) list, and it’s why I have spent a huge amount of my time for the last year working to train individuals within the community to recognize the signs of a mental health problem or crisis and offer appropriate assistance. Because in a community like ours, no one should ever have to make or receive that phone call.

The National Behavioral Healthcare Council has set the goal of reaching one million people trained in Mental Health First Aid by the year 2020. I am personally working to see that at least one thousand of those are people within the kink community.

You can help by going to MentalHealthFirstAid.org and finding a class near you. If there isn’t a class near you, CALL ME and I will come and facilitate one.

For everyone who has been lost and for everyone who can still be helped, please do your part.

Thank you.

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National Mental Health First Aid
Utah Suicide Prevention Coalition
MHFA Colorado

The other States in the Rocky Mountain region (Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana) currently do not have a dedicated site for information on local classes. If you live in those states, or any other in the country, you can visit the national website so search for a class near you.

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I am a certified Mental Health First Aid Instructor. I am authorized to provide this training anywhere in the United States. If you would like to organize a MHFA training for your area, please feel free to contact me.

XCBDSM@gmail.com

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Thank you to all who approached me after the speech offering resources, connections and assistance. I hope to be in contact with you all soon. If you don’t hear from me, please reach out to me.

Shame Takes Lives

Posted: August 25, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Events, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy

That’s the title of the speech I will be giving at Rocky Mountain Rebellion this Saturday in Salt Lake City.

When I read that the theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”, I realized there was only one topic I could possibly discuss.

I will post the full text of the speech the morning after. For now, here’s a short teaser.

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In any given year, 1 in 4 adults in the US struggle with a mental health problem and only a small percentage of them will seek help. The good news is research tells us the frequency of these issues are lower within the kink community, but it also tells us that people who do experience problems are less likely to seek help, primarily because they fear their lifestyle will not be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, Shame literally takes lives.

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Look for the full text of the speech Sunday morning, right here.

Editors Note: For more on this subject, check out the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera

I love being poly. It is intrinsic to who I am- it’s as much a part of my sexual identity as being pansexual or kinky. It’s great, it’s awesome, it’s the best thing since sliced bread (which, admittedly, is not that much of a game-changer in my life). So maybe it’s better than sliced bread.

But. All that said- it’s still really fucking hard. Throw in a D/s dynamic on top of that, and things get real weird in a hurry.

Despite a thorough search, I have been unable to identify the author of this image. Any help is appreciated.

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I have been working on this collection of ideas for many years, tweaking and drawing from various sources, trying to come up with a compact set of statements that accurately describes my approach to BDSM (and most of the rest of my life, as well). Over the next few months, I hope to write in more detail about what each of these things means to me and how they are applied in my life. It is always a work in progress, I evolve and adapt my views constantly. These tenants are goals which I strive for in pursuit, not of unattainable perfection, but of excellence.

Core Beliefs

  • Participants in BDSM have a responsibility to honor the work of those who have journeyed before us while also choosing a path that is right for ourselves
  • Consent is the critical foundation of all participation in BDSM and power exchange.
  • Consent is dependent on honesty, integrity, knowledge, and experience.
  • Consent requires emotional maturity and mental stability.
  • Power exchange dynamics, friendship, BDSM play, and sexuality are distinct bonds. While they can be interwoven, a fulfilling connection between individuals can include any combination thereof.
  • Real power exchange relationships must be based in reality, and not fantasy or works of fiction.
  • A person deserves dedication, devotion and loyalty from those they associate with.
  • The expectation of obedience requires consistent, thoughtful, intelligent, and empathetic command.
  • Authority is drawn, initially, from the consent of the servant but must be sustained by the character of those they serve.
  • A person should strive to be ever-worthy of their partners and never allow commitment to excuse complacency.

Guiding Principles

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Honor

Principle: I will conduct myself at all times and in all situations with honesty, fairness and consistency.

Integrity

Principle: I will strive to live as a whole and integrated person, free of duplicity, and comfortable in my own skin.

Authenticity

Principle: I will represent myself truthfully at all times.

  • I will be truthful regarding my origin and background.
  • I will be truthful regarding the source of my knowledge or ideas.
  • I will be truthful in the portrayal of my personality and desires.
  • I will be truthful with my affection and devotion.
  • I will be truthful regarding my plans and goals.

Loyalty

Principle: I will act with loyalty to the community and individuals that I associate with.

  • I will guard carefully the privileged knowledge that others may choose to share with me and keep such information in the strictest confidence.
  • I will treat others with respect and dignity, even when they are not present
  • I will encourage others to bring complaints or concerns to the attention of the offending individual, organization, or other proper authority, and will not entertain their complaints or gossip myself except to offer support, advice, or guidance, if requested.
  • I will make others aware of any individual who openly expresses hostility or animosity towards them.

Growth

Principle: I will always endeavor to improve myself and my abilities.

  • I will watch for and actively pursue opportunities to develop new or existing skills, both within kink and outside of it.
  • I will seek the council of others when faced with personal dilemmas or challenges.
  • I will honestly and accurately assess my own weaknesses and work to reduce or eliminate them.
  • I will approach failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Discipline

Principle: I will not allow my ability to maintain self-control to be impaired.

  • I will not allow sudden emotions to dictate my actions or choices.
  • I will monitor myself for destructive behavior which is habitual or impulsive in nature and will take steps to correct it.
  • Use of mind-altering substances will not be permitted to interfere with my health, my responsibilities, or my ability to adhere to these principles.

Education

Principle: I will willingly share my skills, knowledge, and experience with others.

Service

Principle: Regardless of my role in my relationships, my community, or my society, I will pursue a path of service.

Significant influences for this writing include Master Jack McGeorge, Master Skip Chasey, and Master Obsidian.