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Hi everyone. You may remember this post I wrote the day the trailer for 50 Shades of Grey came out.
I truly believe that this film can be a benefit to our community if we handle it properly. The Fetlife group is a perfect manifestation of what I called for in that post. So it would be pretty shitty of me to not follow through and actually help. So I have volunteered to be moderator for the group and help keep it productive.
But beyond the benefit to the community, I am primarily interested in safety and education.
(I know you’ve all heard this from me lots of times, but…)
When I first started playing with BDSM, all of the events in my area were 21+ and Fetlife didn’t exist, yet. So I got most of my ideas from porn, which it turns out is not a great source of technical guidance. If I hadn’t been excluded from the clubs because of my age, someone might have steered me to better information and some injuries may have been prevented.
I see the same opportunity here. As many have pointed out, ad nausea, these books are a very poor example of BDSM and not something that anyone should emulate, so it is our job to give them something better. But we can’t do that if we shun those who happen find their way into BDSM via a shitty book.
My priorities mirror the rules of the group:
1) Don’t be a dick
2) I don’t have time to referee so I’ll ban by default if you are a dick
3) Remember that you were new and clueless at some point. Treat people with respect. Treat them the way you would have liked to be treated when you found kink.
We need to be understanding and accommodating of ignorance. We need to show them the best possible face of who we are and what we stand for. By doing so, we increase the chances that they will listen to what we have to say and be safer in their own play, even if they never come to an event.
I am trying to do my part to further that goal. I hope you all will spread the word and get the best of our community, both local and international, to join the group and help out. And then, if you hear a friend or random person talking about 50 Shades, you might point them in the direction of that group to ask their questions and get some good answers.