Archive for the ‘Current Events’ Category

(The following is the keynote address delivered at the Beyond Leather convention in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida on April 28, 2018)

Egbert van der Poel - Fire in a Village

Egbert van der Poel – Fire in a Village

There is an African proverb that says if a child is not embraced by the village, they will burn it down just to feel its warmth.

When I attended my first play party at age 21, an older gentleman remarked to me that young people like myself were ruining the kink community, a sentiment I’ve heard echoed more times than I can count within my own story and that of nearly every young kinkster I know.

Many of us young people are feeling a bit cold and we can’t help but notice how flammable the village looks these days. (more…)

Finally! A Rope Bottoms’ Book!

Posted: June 2, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Current Events

Hey all,

I know this isn’t the sort of thing that is usually published here, but I happen to think this book is important and would like to direct your attention to it.

I have been hearing for years that there are not enough resources in our community for bottoms. I especially hear this from rope folks.

So I think it is important that we do what we can to support this effort to bring such a resource into bring.

I have absolutely no affiliation with the author and do not benefit in any way from its success. I really just believe in it. So check it out and do what you can.


The Crowd-Funding Campaign for “Diary of a Rope Fiend” can be found here

(Side note, Amazon got grumpy with them about the original title, “Diary of a Rope Slut”, and made them change it. But if you fund at the $100 level, you get the original edition with the original title, signed and tied up by the author, as well as 7 other books from Thorntree Press.)

Fetlife Group: 50 Shades Welcoming Committee

Posted: August 3, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Current Events, Resources

Check out and join the group here (Membership profile required)

Hi everyone. You may remember this post I wrote the day the trailer for 50 Shades of Grey came out.

I truly believe that this film can be a benefit to our community if we handle it properly. The Fetlife group is a perfect manifestation of what I called for in that post. So it would be pretty shitty of me to not follow through and actually help. So I have volunteered to be moderator for the group and help keep it productive.

But beyond the benefit to the community, I am primarily interested in safety and education.

(I know you’ve all heard this from me lots of times, but…)

When I first started playing with BDSM, all of the events in my area were 21+ and Fetlife didn’t exist, yet. So I got most of my ideas from porn, which it turns out is not a great source of technical guidance. If I hadn’t been excluded from the clubs because of my age, someone might have steered me to better information and some injuries may have been prevented.

I see the same opportunity here. As many have pointed out, ad nausea, these books are a very poor example of BDSM and not something that anyone should emulate, so it is our job to give them something better. But we can’t do that if we shun those who happen find their way into BDSM via a shitty book.

My priorities mirror the rules of the group:
1) Don’t be a dick
2) I don’t have time to referee so I’ll ban by default if you are a dick
3) Remember that you were new and clueless at some point. Treat people with respect. Treat them the way you would have liked to be treated when you found kink.

We need to be understanding and accommodating of ignorance. We need to show them the best possible face of who we are and what we stand for. By doing so, we increase the chances that they will listen to what we have to say and be safer in their own play, even if they never come to an event.

I am trying to do my part to further that goal. I hope you all will spread the word and get the best of our community, both local and international, to join the group and help out. And then, if you hear a friend or random person talking about 50 Shades, you might point them in the direction of that group to ask their questions and get some good answers.

(If you like this post, be sure to follow XCBDSM. There are several options on the left side of the page.)


Ok, yes, I know. The release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer and the coming release of the film in February means that an even wider audience is going to be exposed to the incredibly inadequate portrayal of BDSM in that story.

And yes, I know. That means that a whole bunch of wannabe kinksters with fantasies bigger than their pain tolerance will be flooding into kink clubs all over the country.

But guys, buried inside of all of that rough are some seriously large diamonds. So let’d all take some deep breaths and look on the bright side.  (more…)