Archive for February, 2015

Kink University: Impact Play: Spanking & Implements

Posted: February 28, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Technique
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Editor’s Note: Starting this month, I will be sharing some online videos made available by my friends and colleagues at Kink.com’s education website, Kink University. This is not porn, it’s education provided by people who seriously know their stuff.

These videos are available for individual purchase, bulk purchase, or by purchasing a monthly subscription for about $12/month. If you access the site using the links provided in my posts, (whether you purchase a monthly subscription or an individual course), a large portion of the cost is shared with XCBDSM to help us continue to offer educational resources on this site and at in-person workshops across the country. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Kink University: Impact Play: Spanking & Implements

See how you can safely and sensually perform the impact play described in Fifty Shades of Grey. Danarama and Cadence Cross demonstrate how to deliver pleasurable pain, using spanking (including advanced positions), as well as implements like a cane, flogger, riding crop, and belts. Also learn the science behind the pleasurable effects of sensual pain, including brain chemistry, and how to use that to create a mind-blowing experience for your partner.

Go to Kink University »

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Guest Post: “Walking on Fences Leads To Falls”

Posted: February 22, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Walking On Fences Leads To Falls

By RedWarrior (FetLife)

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other.”

I’ve had this quote stuck in my head today and couldn’t remember where it came from, but turns out it’s biblical. (My Catholic childhood must have planted it.) It’s too true, though. There is peace when your loyalties are undivided and trying to walk on fences almost always leads to a fall.

For many years, particularly when I was newer to BDSM communities, I agreed with the prevailing wisdom that you should never take sides in any disagreement, that there was a virtue in always being “neutral” and avoiding “drama” and in general trying to be a peacemaker. I’d schedule my activities trying to divide my time between groups, never wanting to show preferences, all with the goal that this would help my community, which I cared about, be “peaceful,” “unified.” I was given a lot of positive reinforcement for behaving this way. Neutrality was rewarded with praise. I went along this path for years, well rewarded for staying “above the drama.” Life was good.

Then, one day, something interesting happened. (more…)

Kink University: Sensual Sensory Deprivation

Posted: February 21, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Technique
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Editor’s Note: Starting this month, I will be sharing some online videos made available by my friends and colleagues at Kink.com’s education website, Kink University. This is not porn, it’s education provided by people who seriously know their stuff.

These videos are available for individual purchase, bulk purchase, or by purchasing a monthly subscription for about $12/month. If you access the site using the links provided in my posts, (whether you purchase a monthly subscription or an individual course), a large portion of the cost is shared with XCBDSM to help us continue to offer educational resources on this site and at in-person workshops across the country. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Kink University: Sensual Sensory Deprivation (About $9)

From the seduction of anonymity to the mindfuck of isolation, learn how masks and sensory deprivation can heighten physical sensations, submission, and sensuality. Mona Wales and Siouxsie Q demonstrate the wide array of articles and devices (including blindfolds, earphones, and masks) you can use to put your partner into a submissive headspace . Insulate them from sights and sounds so they focus purely on the sensations you deliver.

Go to Kink University »

(more…)

Guest Post: “Fifty Shaders: Welcome to FetLife!”

Posted: February 20, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Editor’s Note: We LOVE Fetlife. If you aren’t on it, yet, we highly recommend it. However, be aware that it is not a dating site and is not a good place to hook up with partners. Instead, you should use it as a way to find gatherings and classes where you can learn more about kink, how to do it safely, and meet potential partners. 

Fifty Shaders: Welcome to FetLife!

By ScottH (Fetlife)

So you went and saw Fifty Shades of Grey this past weekend, and it made your panties wet. Then you went home and did a google search, and now you’ve discovered FetLife. Congratulations! You’ve definitely found the right place to start learning about what erotic domination and submission are all about in real life. The journey you’re just beginning may very well change your life in ways you can’t yet imagine! This lifestyle has certainly had a profound effect on mine.

But there’s just one little problem. People whose interest in this stuff began with the book or movie Fifty Shades seldom realize at first just how much there is to learn, or how much knowledge and wisdom exists within the community of people who have actually been doing this stuff in real life years before the book and movie came out.

The BDSM community went through this when the book first got popular, so we already have a sense of how newcomers who start with FSOG (Fifty Shades of Grey) tend to at first have misconceptions about real-life BDSM.

The purpose of this post is to help you understand that there’s a whole lot more to this than what you saw in the movie, and to acquaint you with some really excellent resources available to help you learn about real-world BDSM. So far, all you’ve been exposed to was a movie, and frankly, it wasn’t a particularly accurate representation of how we do this stuff in real life. (more…)

XCBDSM and Colorado Leather Fest

Posted: February 18, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized
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XCBDSM is proud to be a sponsor of Colorado Leather Fest. We will have XCBDSM staff at the event all weekend and will be announcing some very exciting news, so don’t miss it.

Event info can be found at ColoradoLeatherFest.com, but here’s the basics.

Colorado Leather Fest is a three-day celebration of the Leather lifestyle. It will be held March 27-29 in Denver, Colorado at the Embassy Suites Denver Stapleton, 4444 N. Havana St, Denver 80239 (near I-70 and Havana). (more…)

Why I Don’t Like Swingers Parties

Posted: February 4, 2015 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Learn Something
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I have nothing against swingers. Like me, they are living an alternate lifestyle that makes them a fringe community and I fully support them in their right to have sex the way that they want to with whoever they want to.

HOWEVER

I have been a to a number of swingers parties over the years in several different venues (usually to give a kink demo and be the scary entertainment for the night) and I never liked any of them. Here is my short list of reasons why. This is all based only on my experience of course. It is entirely possible that there are swingers parties out there that have policies in place to fix these problems, I just haven’t seen it.

download (more…)

Guest Post: “Paintball” by Moonbeam123

Posted: February 2, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Art, Guest Posts
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Editor’s Note: It is no great secret that I love needle play. It is my favorite thing either as a top or bottom. But I’ve been doing it for so long (nearly a decade now) that I sometimes forget the fear and exhilaration of the first time. Luckily, every now and then I have the opportunity to provide the experience of a first needle to someone else, to share with them the joy of my favorite kink. After one such occasion, the lovely Moonbeam123 wrote about it. I loved the writing and got her permission to repost it here because I think it is great window into needle play for those who haven’t, yet experienced it, as well as a look back at how many of us felt that first time. Enjoy. +Cross

“Paintball”
by Moonbeam123
Originally posted here on Fetlife.com

Bruise

You get up on this table right? And the whole time you are thinking to yourself. I love pain. But this? And you strip to your panties. A state even some boyfriends never saw you in. And you lay down on the table. He puts on these gloves. Blue surgical gloves. That’s one of the best parts. Then he grabs the box- and you just know. Know what’s to come. And as he opens it. Your heart freezes. And you debate calling it quits but something inside you tells you stay. So you do, because that second voice- it’s louder more desperate. Deeper. Stronger- more innately you. So you lay there. (more…)