Archive for the ‘Technique’ Category

XCBDSM has added a new, full-day intensive to our list of workshops and we will be offering it for the first time on July 7th in Denver, Colorado.

The workshop will cover all the in-and-outs (get it) of play piercing from the basic to the extreme.

For information about the class, CLICK HERE.

What do I do with all these needles?

Posted: February 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Technique


Editor’s Note: This is a Guest Post from our island friend Aloha_Adventures. She is not your doctor or lawyer and neither are we at XCBDSM. This guide should not be interpreted as professional medical or legal advice. Consult someone with letters after their name for that stuff. If you would like to hear more about kinky life on the Hawaiin Islands, let us know in the comments or send us a message. Maybe we can convince her to write more. 

Ok, so some of us love to poke and get poked because needles are awesome!!! But what are we supposed to do with them afterwards?

It has been told to me in the past that you could just deposit a sharps container at a pharmacy when you are done. Unfortunately this does not seem to universally be the case for those of us in the state of Hawaii. Some pharmacies do not want to accept back needles they did not sell you (see this article from Hawaii News Now)

So what do we do after the needle scenes are all finished? (more…)

Over this last weekend, I had the opportunity to address the Rocky Mountain Rebellion Convention in Salt Lake City. The theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”. Below is the content of that speech, as well as some additional information.


[Full Text of Speech]

I joined the kink community on July 16, 2006. In the years since, I have lost track of the many parties, classes and social events that I have attended, but I do know that this is my 26th conference. In that time, many dates stand out, but few more than an evening in November of 2013 when I received a call telling me that a friend in the community had committed suicide.

Across the US, in any given year, 1 in 4 adults will struggle with a mental health problem, but because of stigma, lack of availability, and other factors, only a small percentage will seek help. The good news is research tells us that the prevalence of these issues in the kink community are lower than the general public. However, when people in the kink community do face a mental health challenge, they are far less likely to seek help, largely because they do not believe that their lifestyle will be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, SHAME LITERALLY TAKES LIVES.

That’s why I wear a pin on my vest for suicide awareness and prevention. It’s why our organization in Colorado is working with the NCSF and supporting their Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) list, and it’s why I have spent a huge amount of my time for the last year working to train individuals within the community to recognize the signs of a mental health problem or crisis and offer appropriate assistance. Because in a community like ours, no one should ever have to make or receive that phone call.

The National Behavioral Healthcare Council has set the goal of reaching one million people trained in Mental Health First Aid by the year 2020. I am personally working to see that at least one thousand of those are people within the kink community.

You can help by going to and finding a class near you. If there isn’t a class near you, CALL ME and I will come and facilitate one.

For everyone who has been lost and for everyone who can still be helped, please do your part.

Thank you.


National Mental Health First Aid
Utah Suicide Prevention Coalition
MHFA Colorado

The other States in the Rocky Mountain region (Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana) currently do not have a dedicated site for information on local classes. If you live in those states, or any other in the country, you can visit the national website so search for a class near you.


I am a certified Mental Health First Aid Instructor. I am authorized to provide this training anywhere in the United States. If you would like to organize a MHFA training for your area, please feel free to contact me.


Thank you to all who approached me after the speech offering resources, connections and assistance. I hope to be in contact with you all soon. If you don’t hear from me, please reach out to me.

Editors Note: For more on this subject, check out the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera

I love being poly. It is intrinsic to who I am- it’s as much a part of my sexual identity as being pansexual or kinky. It’s great, it’s awesome, it’s the best thing since sliced bread (which, admittedly, is not that much of a game-changer in my life). So maybe it’s better than sliced bread.

But. All that said- it’s still really fucking hard. Throw in a D/s dynamic on top of that, and things get real weird in a hurry.

Despite a thorough search, I have been unable to identify the author of this image. Any help is appreciated.


Reckless Abandon

Posted: November 18, 2015 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy, Technique

Last night, I saw a couple play in the dungeon.

A play-by-play of the scene would fail to portray it as remarkable, as none of the individual actions were unique. 

But the total was so much more than its parts.

Underneath the actions themselves was a current of energy and purpose that I can only describe as reckless abandon. (more…)

I have had multiple people approach me in the last few weeks about helping them plan some kind of “surprise” scene for someone. Some wanted to organize and plan abductions, some wanted to set up a first group play experience for someone, and others were simply looking for the right way to go about doing something to/with someone without explicitly talking to them about it first. (more…)

Kink University: Oral Sex The Dominant Way

Posted: March 7, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Technique

Editor’s Note: I occasionally share videos made available by my friends and colleagues at’s education website, Kink University. This is not porn, it’s education provided by people who seriously know their stuff.

These videos are available for individual purchase, bulk purchase, or by purchasing a monthly subscription for about $12/month. As a part of XCBDSM’s partnership with, ff you access the site using the links provided in my posts, (whether you purchase a monthly subscription or an individual course), a large portion of the cost is shared with XCBDSM to help us continue to offer educational resources on this site and at in-person workshops across the country. Thank you for your ongoing support.

Kink University: Oral Sex the Dominant Way – Blowjobs and Cunnilingus (About $9)

Giving and receiving oral sex is such a vulnerable and sensitive part of sexuality, it can be difficult for some BDSM tops to maintain a role of dominance throughout. Danarama and Mona Wales demonstrate amazing techniques that will not only make you the boss when it comes to giving (or getting) head, but also establish and maintain a powerfully dominant energy and guide your partner into giving you the best blowjobs.




Go to Kink University »