Archive for March, 2017

I Am A BDSM Minimalist

Posted: March 29, 2017 by ErisM in Learn Something, Philosophy
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I’m a BDSM minimalist. My play isn’t flashy, I don’t have a rolling castle full of whips and chains that I drag to each kink event. I find beauty in simplicity.

The term came up organically with another presenter at Rome BDSM Conference, because that is always how magic happens. Get a few weird-ass kinky creative people together and the terms start rolling.  I had an interview with Desade Magazine at the end of the weekend (when I was tired, hair pulled back and a few stumbling steps away from my flight back home) that was an “aha” moment where I described in detail how I do kink. (more…)

Third Party Negotiation; Or, How to Kill a Relationship with Communication

Posted: March 25, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Someone posted this question for debate recently:

Please only answer if you’re polyamorus.
When negotiating alone time with a partner who has another partner, do you:
A-talk to them directly
B- talk to their other partner
C-both a and b
D- other (explain below)

This was my answer: (more…)

Get What You Want/Need/Deserve…

Posted: March 15, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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When counseling people who are struggling with the behavior of their partners, I always default to something that someone told me a long time ago, in a completely unrelated context (business), but it is something that I use as the core of my relationship philosophy:

“You will never get what you deserve. You will never get what you want. You will never get what you need. You will only ever get what you negotiate for.”

When you assume a standard of conduct or manufacture a set of expectations for your partner without talking to them, regardless of why you assume or expect those things, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If it’s important to you that your partners do certain things, you have to ask them and get their agreement.

No one owes you anything except what they have agreed to. All of that baggage you have in your head that defines what a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc SHOULD do is all imaginary, and the other person can’t see it.

If it’s important to you, talk to them about it. If you are important to them, they will listen. You may not be able to get everything you want/need/deserve. But you will get more than if you say nothing.

What’s Special At eXtremeRestraints.com

Posted: March 7, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Reviews, Reviews (Web)
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Extreme Restraints - Bondage Gear & Fetish Store

Imma Scratch You!

Every kink product website has many of the same products. You can get a pair of handcuffs anywhere. So I set out to dig through everything that Extreme Restraints has to offer in order to highlight the products that are more unique and special to them. These are the products that make ExtremeRestraints.com special.

WARNING: This article contains more images of naked people and sexual content than usual. I don’t know why you would ever have this website up at work, but just in case, here is your warning that there are going to be boobs and dick and pussy everywhere.  (more…)