UPCOMING ONLINE CLASSES


XCBDSM is THRILLED to announce that we are now offering online webinars of select workshops.

We will be posting them here, as they become available, as well as across all social media platforms.

You can see a list of offered classes anytime by clicking the image.

Or you can subscribe to our email list to receive invites to classes as they are posted.

We are also offering two options for community groups and venues.

Webcast Public Classes

If you would like to host an event locally to view and participate in one or more of our classes, we will be happy to work with you to set that up. In general, we ask that proper video and audio are available for the number of people who will be attending, and that an experienced organizer be in charge of operating the computer during the class in order to pass on questions from the group or lead any breakout discussions during the workshop.

The group registration in online classes is generally cost effective for groups of 10 or more.

Contact us for more information

Custom Private Classes

If you are a community group or venue that would love to have live education from an international sex and kink educator, but can’t afford the cost of flying one in, XCBDSM will work with your group to set up custom private online webinars streamed into your venue. In addition to our core faculty of world-class educators, we also work with a number of other presenters around the country to arrange these events, as well. So if there is a Presenter you’ve always wanted to see, but couldn’t afford to host, let us know and we’ll work with you to arrange it.

Custom private classes are generally cost effective for groups of at least 20-30, but we can work with smaller groups, as well.

Contact us for more information

I was teaching a kink 101 class on Saturday and I emphasized that:

  • Power/Authority Exchange,
  • Kink / SM / Fetish Play, and
  • Sex

Are all different things and two (or more) people can enjoy one without either of the other two if that’s what works for them.

As always, it surprised some people that I would say that. And I’ve seen some people around the internet assert otherwise, so I thought I would post this here, along with the following incomplete list of clarifying statements:

– Even if YOU wouldn’t enjoy one without another, the fact is that many people do. So please stop telling people they can’t.

– Non-sexual kink is a thing and is awesome. Lots of people like it

– Many people can and do have fulfilling power exchange relationships that don’t involve kink play or sex.

– You can be a submissive without being a masochist.

– You can be a dominant without being a sadist.

– You can be a submissive and still not give consent for sex with your dominant.

– It’s ok to bottom without submitting.

– It’s ok to bottom while dominating.

– People who prefer non-kinky sex and egalitarian relationships are not less enlightened or boring. They just like a different flavor of ice cream than you do.

– You do fucking you. Find what makes you happy and someone willing to do it with you. Fuck everyone else’s conception of what things are “supposed” to be like.

– You should NEVER be expected to participate in other people’s power protocols until or unless YOU agree to.

We are all rebels against mainstream ideas of what we are supposed to be and explorers of the full breadth of the human condition. So stop trying to make others conform to your idea of what is an acceptable style of kink/relationship/dynamic.

By all means, debate what is ethical or not. Share your views on what you see as too coercive or deceptive to be considered consensual. We NEED to keep having those talks.

We NEED to keep talking about how best to achieve fulfilling relationships and sharing tools and ideas.

But we DON’T need people telling new folks that they have to submit to a dominant in order to find the fulfilling kink play or rough sex that they seek.

We DON’T need people telling new folks that they are a “real” dom or sub unless they like (or are at least willing) to do particular activities.

We DON’T need people re-enforcing the idea that there is nothing more to kink than deviant sex.

Kink is far more “normal” than people know. But it is still considered fringe because we are spending all of our time an energy keeping our community artificially small by excluding people who don’t meet our definition of “kinky enough” or they don’t kink “the right way”.

Please try to meet people where they are. Educate with compassion and remember that everyone is not necessarily looking for the same things as you, so the way you do things may not be right for them.

Isaac Cross’s First Keynote Speech

Posted: January 20, 2018 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized
Now that the official event schedule has been posted, I can proudly announce that I have been asked to give the keynote speech for Beyond Leather this April in Ft. Lauderdale.
 
This is a big step in my “career” as an educator, and I look forward to using my time on the soap box to encourage people to build bridges and strive for compassion.
 
I look forward to seeing my Florida friends, my presenter colleagues, as well as a sizable Colorado contingent that is attending and/or teaching at the event this year.

Isaac Cross Interviewed by Family Affairs

Posted: October 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized

A couple of months ago, I was invited to be join Ben Robbins and the Family Affairs podcast for an hour-long conversation on kink and non-monogamy.

It was a pleasure talking with them. I hope you enjoy it.

It’s not preference. It’s prejudice.

Posted: September 12, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized

It’s not preference. It’s prejudice.

Definitions used in this post.

Orientation = “I experience attraction to this specific set of people and not this specific set of people. My orientation is determined by my attraction, not the other way around.”

Preference = “I am open to these different sets of people but I tend to choose to pursue this specific type.”

Prejudice = I can’t imagine imagine that I would ever date this specific type of person, EVEN IF I EXPERIENCED ATTTACTION TO THEM. 

When you say you “don’t” or “won’t” date black men, or trans people, or any other specific trait of person, that’s not a preference, that’s a prejudice.

I often say “so far, I have not experienced attraction to a cis man, but if it ever happens, I’ll be open to it.” I’ve heard others say something like “I tend not to be attracted to butch women.” Both of these keep the door open while maintaining your right to only date those you are attracted to.

I have no interest in policing you orientation or preferences. I do have a problem with people who would exclude a certain type of person IN SPITE OF their attraction to them. Because that reveals an underlying prejudice. It reveals that they believe that type of person is inherently less valuable than those they “prefer”.

By being definitive and declarative with something like “I only date white guys” or “I’m bi, but I don’t date trans people”, that’s shitty, stigmatizing, and frankly, bigotry.

Maybe when you say those bad examples, you really mean it the other way, that you just happen to not be attracted to a certain type of person. Then say that instead. Because if you don’t say what you mean, no one else can know what you mean.

And if you find that you are attracted to someone, but then reject them solely because you fnd out about a specific trait, then you are prejudiced against that trait. Period. It’s not preference, it’s prejudice.

So for some of you, this is a plea to be more careful with you language and avoid saying problematic shit that makes large groups of people feel othered and devalued. To the rest, it’s a plea to be a better person and fix your prejudice.

Online Non-monogamy Classes on August 26th

Posted: August 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Events, Learn Something
Hey, y’all. We’re trying out offering online classes. We did our first couple on BDSM topics in June and we have the next set (This time focused on non-monogamy) coming on August 26th.
 
Check ’em out and hopefully you can join us. We’d also love feedback on future topics to address.
 
“Beyond Monogamy: Introduction to Open Relationships and Polyamory”
 
“Jealousy and Co-Dependency in Non-monogamy”

Stop Saying “Fluid Bonded”

Posted: July 21, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

Note: Each use of the term “Fluid Bonding” in this article will link to different articles on the same topic and which are relevant to what is being discussed here. Click each one for further reading. 

I literally heard the term “fluid bonded” for the first time from the very first people I met in the community about 11 years ago. I still hear it thrown around constantly. It’s a term that means wildly different things to different people and it causes problems. So you shouldn’t use it.

The thinking behind the term goes something like this:

At a certain point in our relationship, we will decide that we matter enough to each other to stop using barriers with things like sex or blood play, after which point, we are “fluid bound/bonded”. This is both symbolic, similar to the “blood brothers” traditions of old, as well as practical (save money on condoms). In both cases, it’s supposed to represent a greater intimacy and connection and act as a sign of a “more serious” relationship.

That sounds all sweet and meaningful, right?

But here’s the thing about that. The term is only used by non-monogamous people or kinksters who play outside of there otherwise monogamous relationships. And there’s a reason for that, a reason which is the first of several problems with it.

Read the rest of this entry »

7 Years

Posted: July 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Life Log

On July 6th, 2010, we launched XCBDSM. In the first few months, we saw about 1,000 pageviews each month. in 2017, we’ve averaged nearly 16,000 pageviews each month. In total, we’ve had just over 525,000 pageviews and over 300,000 unique visitors from all over the world.

We’ve expanded from just being the blog for Isaac Cross (Then called CrossCultureBDSM), to being a collaboration of educators from multiple countries sharing their knowledge and resources and helping everyone to have better relationships.

It’s been an incredible 7 years. Hopefully, there will be at least 7 more.

Love you all. See you soon.