XCBDSM is a proud sponsor of The Colorado Center for Alternative Lifestyles (CAL).
CAL is committed to creating an environment in our state that supports consenting adults who engage in alternative relationship expressions and structures.
We pursue our vision through direct services, education, and outreach, in conjunction with our partners, to directly benefit individuals who choose alternative lifestyles and the communities that support them.
And finally... Our favorite sex toy brand: TANTUS
Below are a couple books that I have found useful and interesting.
For a full list of recommended reading, visit my Bookshelf Page.
Clicking on the images will take you to the Amazon product page.
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This book did so much more just add words to my existing knowledge and experience, as I had expected. This book taught me things. This book changed the way that I think about relationships. All relationships, not just poly. I have spent the last two days lost in thought, re-evaluating a lot of my own choices and beliefs. And that’s good. That’s what a great book like this should do.
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Combines Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual and Training With Miss Abernathy in one deluxe volume.
Replete with updated resources and references, Erotic Slavehood will take its place among the basic BDSM reference manuals.
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Respected columnist and scene leader Rinella has carefully explored how BDSM relationships fit into real people's lives.
From that research, and his own two decades as an active leatherman, he has assembled this sensible, readable manual about how kinky relationships really work.
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There are still a few hours left of August, but this is already our BEST MONTH EVER and the first time that we have ever had more than 20,000 page views in a single month.
Thanks to our regular readers, the people who post links to us in discussion groups, and of course, our awesome team of writers and guest authors.
Still going strong! And this coming June, we will be celebrating 10 YEARS online.
A quick guide:
Perfectly Acceptable:
Dating only the people you happen to be attracted to
Not Wrong, but Probably a Sign of Conscious or Unconscious Bias and Prejudice that is Worth Examining for Yourself:
Quietly filtering out whole demographics of people, in advance, from your dating pool and telling yourself it’s just a “preference”. (E.g. Trans people, black people, low IQ, ETC)
Bigoted and Problematic:
Loudly advertising those “preferences” in order to prevent one of the untouchables from mistakenly interacting with you under the misguided assumption that their “type” is worthy of a conversation or consideration.
This “Rough Take” post has been published without review, editing, or revision. Rough Take posts are designed to communicate thoughts and ideas that haven’t been fully developed in order to spark discussion and responses which may fuel later, more refined articles.
Hedonism is an ethical theory that pleasure (we’ll define what we mean by pleasure in a minute) is the highest good and proper aim of human life.
In the more casual usage, hedonism means indulging in the senses. People use it to describe those who are unashamed of their love of food and music and sex and aroma and everything else that feels good.
And hedonism gets a bad rap.
The primary objection relates to the first, more formal definition. Of course there are other sources of meaning and other worthy pursuits in life besides just feeling good as often as possible. Living in the moment, achieving meaningful accomplishments, mastery of skills, preservation of knowledge. Any number of things can be a source of meaning and fulfillment. So that criticism is valid. (Google Robert Nozick’s experience machine thought-experiment for more on that)
But lets never mind the formal definition and focus on the other, most common use of the word. When we leave the formal definition behind, we no longer have to defend the position that pleasure is the only or at least the most important goal in life.
Instead, the modern hedonist says that we should strive first and foremost for pleasure, as did their predecessors, but with an additional emphasis on personal freedom and equality.
And for the average person ascribing to hedonism, this could result any any one of a variety of lifestyles. But I want to talk about the path that might lead one to kink and BDSM. And I want to talk about the derision that hedonistic kinksters face in a BDSM/Leather community that so often (and so ironically) emphasizes formality and rigidity and conformity. (more…)
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