Today, I will be spending a quiet day of healing with my partner Rain. Her long-time mentor and friend, Anita, passed away yesterday. We knew that it was coming, as she was diagnosed with terminal cancer about a year ago. Anita helped Rain to understand herself and her submission and her passion for life in the times when Rain needed it most, and for that, Anita has my eternal gratitude. This world has lost a good person and a wonderful mind.
Thus far, neither of us has been able to manage the thoughts and feelings that have come up since we heard the news well enough to put them into words. Among those thoughts and feelings, for me, was a quiet sort of depression as I thought about how Anita would be remembered.
When I was married last summer, I anguished over my decision not to invite our kinky friends to the wedding. And when I heard this news, one of the thoughts that I had was whether I would make the same decision if, God forbid, something were to happen to my wife. Even as I write this, the thought makes me sick. Most of my dearest friends and closest confidants are my scene friends. I don’t know if I could make it through the loss of my partner, and all the events and protocol that come after, without having them by my side and supporting me.
That thought, that shadow of fear, that gut-wrenching, horrifying notion made work almost unbearable last night. I opened this page four different times to try to write about it and nothing came. But then, one of those wonderful kinky friends of mine wroten essay about that very thing. I told him that I thought he had said it all better than I could and asked him if I could repost it here. As usual, I don’t agree with everything he said, but the spirit of what I had hoped to convey is there.
If you know my wife (or even if you don’t), please send her you good energy as she struggles with the pain of this loss.
“Death of a Kinkster”
By Jeff Jizz
Reposted with Permission
What happens when we die? (more…)