I’ve always loved the idea of poly. I love that what you can’t give your partner another can and visa versa. I don’t believe that, that level of love can only exist for one person. That being said, I obviously haven’t gone poly yet for a reason. Like everyone, I have insecurities and I would say my biggest insecurity comes from not being good enough, be it sexually, emotionally, intimately, etc. Now, I know you don’t have to be the best to be good enough, but I think even with that knowledge I still have that mindset. I have to be so good that my partner does not desire anything I give them from any other person and I have to be good at everything, so there in nothing to seek in another person. What do i do?
I see this question a lot, or something like it, from folks new to poly and struggling with the emotions that brings. Mainstream culture teaches us that co-dependence is virtuous and that one person should be everything to their partners. So when a partner wants more than just you, it can feel like you are inadequate as a partner. But society’s emphasis on co-dependence is misguided.
The short answer is that you will be much happier (poly or not) if you recognize that you can be “enough” without being everything to them. (more…)
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