Archive for June, 2017

REVIEW: “Ask: Building Consent Culture”

Posted: June 16, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Reviews, Reviews (Book)
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Review by Jordyn (XCBDSM.com) and Fox (KinkySprinkles.com)
Edited by Isaac Cross (XCBDSM.com)

Editor’s Note: 

When I first received the copy of this anthology, I knew that I could not review this one alone. I am always conscious of the fact that, as a male-identified person, I have a very different experience in the world and in the communities I am part of. Normally, I try to read books and write reviews with that in mind and seek out some other perspectives when necessary. But with a book that is about consent and the cultural problems with how it is handled in our society, well, there was no reasonable way for me to take the lead. 

So instead, I brought in two of XCBDSM’s female writers/educators to read the book and give their perspective. While I certainly have my own thoughts and reactions, I will let their voices take the mic here. 

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Do poly? or BE poly?

Posted: June 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy
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Someone in a poly group asked this question:

Who preferes saying they are
doing poly or
being poly,
and why?

I personally prefer ‘doing’, as it feels more like a choice.

It’s never felt like a choice for me.

In my teen years, coming of age, I was aware enough to realize that I wasn’t oriented to monogamy the way others were. No matter how much I cared about someone, I never stopped seeing others. No matter how much I loved a person, it wasn’t enough to make me willing to pass up opportunities to connect with other people and know them, too.

So I decided that I would just never allow myself to have deep relationships, because I wouldn’t be able to do that without hurting the people I cared about, because no matter how good they were, they would never be “enough” for me and I couldn’t keep doing that to them.

That was a deeply painful and isolating time for me.

Then I met someone who felt the same way and we negotiated a non-monogamous relationship before either of us knew that anyone else did that, before we knew that “poly” was a thing or that there was a community and books and etiquette.

I have always BEEN polyamorous. And I always will be. It’s not a choice. It’s the only way I can be.