Do poly? or BE poly?

Posted: June 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy

Someone in a poly group asked this question:

Who preferes saying they are
doing poly or
being poly,
and why?

I personally prefer ‘doing’, as it feels more like a choice.

It’s never felt like a choice for me.

In my teen years, coming of age, I was aware enough to realize that I wasn’t oriented to monogamy the way others were. No matter how much I cared about someone, I never stopped seeing others. No matter how much I loved a person, it wasn’t enough to make me willing to pass up opportunities to connect with other people and know them, too.

So I decided that I would just never allow myself to have deep relationships, because I wouldn’t be able to do that without hurting the people I cared about, because no matter how good they were, they would never be “enough” for me and I couldn’t keep doing that to them.

That was a deeply painful and isolating time for me.

Then I met someone who felt the same way and we negotiated a non-monogamous relationship before either of us knew that anyone else did that, before we knew that “poly” was a thing or that there was a community and books and etiquette.

I have always BEEN polyamorous. And I always will be. It’s not a choice. It’s the only way I can be.

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