Negotiation Guide – Quick Reference

Negotiation Quick Reference

By Cross (


Use this handy quick reference to remember the important points if you are negotiating a scene on the spot. For the full guide to negotiating scenes, see this page

L – Logistics > Types and Levels of play. Who will be involved? What will happen? Where will it happen?

I – Individual Roles – Who will be top? Will there be an element of power exchange? Is switching allowed? What about playfulness or bratting?

M – Marks or other lasting effects > Where on the body can marks be left? What about other lasting effects, like cut hair, soreness, or visible limping?

I – Injuries and Illness > This is for both tops and bottoms. If a top is prone to seizures, it could present a safety risk to the bottom that they have a right to consent to. Everyone involved should disclose any medical issues that could be relevant to the type of play.

T – Triggers or other psychological limitations > Are there any words or actions which could cause unexpected or severe emotional reactions? Do you have any mental health problems which may be relevant to the type of play?

S – Safety and Safe Words > What training do the players have? What risks are present and how will they be mitigated? How will you communicate during the scene? Is plain language acceptable? What safewords will be be used? If there could be a gag used, are there non-verbal signals which have the power of a safeword? What are the specific safewords meant to communicate?

Would you be interested in attending a live workshop presented by the XCBDSM crew on this or other kink related topics? If so, tell us your zip code and we will send you a message if we are visiting your area. The XCBDSM crew travels the country doing live demos, presentations, and hands on workshops. Sign up for live event alerts here.


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