I Am A BDSM Minimalist

Posted: March 29, 2017 by ErisM in Learn Something, Philosophy

I’m a BDSM minimalist. My play isn’t flashy, I don’t have a rolling castle full of whips and chains that I drag to each kink event. I find beauty in simplicity.

The term came up organically with another presenter at Rome BDSM Conference, because that is always how magic happens. Get a few weird-ass kinky creative people together and the terms start rolling.  I had an interview with Desade Magazine at the end of the weekend (when I was tired, hair pulled back and a few stumbling steps away from my flight back home) that was an “aha” moment where I described in detail how I do kink. Read the rest of this entry »

Someone posted this question for debate recently:

Please only answer if you’re polyamorus.
When negotiating alone time with a partner who has another partner, do you:
A-talk to them directly
B- talk to their other partner
C-both a and b
D- other (explain below)

This was my answer: Read the rest of this entry »

Get What You Want/Need/Deserve…

Posted: March 15, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

When counseling people who are struggling with the behavior of their partners, I always default to something that someone told me a long time ago, in a completely unrelated context (business), but it is something that I use as the core of my relationship philosophy:

“You will never get what you deserve. You will never get what you want. You will never get what you need. You will only ever get what you negotiate for.”

When you assume a standard of conduct or manufacture a set of expectations for your partner without talking to them, regardless of why you assume or expect those things, you are setting yourself up for disappointment. If it’s important to you that your partners do certain things, you have to ask them and get their agreement.

No one owes you anything except what they have agreed to. All of that baggage you have in your head that defines what a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/etc SHOULD do is all imaginary, and the other person can’t see it.

If it’s important to you, talk to them about it. If you are important to them, they will listen. You may not be able to get everything you want/need/deserve. But you will get more than if you say nothing.

What’s Special At eXtremeRestraints.com

Posted: March 7, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Reviews, Reviews (Web)
Extreme Restraints - Bondage Gear & Fetish Store

Imma Scratch You!

Every kink product website has many of the same products. You can get a pair of handcuffs anywhere. So I set out to dig through everything that Extreme Restraints has to offer in order to highlight the products that are more unique and special to them. These are the products that make ExtremeRestraints.com special.

WARNING: This article contains more images of naked people and sexual content than usual. I don’t know why you would ever have this website up at work, but just in case, here is your warning that there are going to be boobs and dick and pussy everywhere.  Read the rest of this entry »

Preparing for my Journey to the Frozen North

Posted: February 15, 2017 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Events, Life Log

10:30am Wednesday
15th of February in the year of 2017

With the lovers’ holiday passed, I turn my attention to preparations for my valiant trek to the frozen north. Not since my travels to Anchorage for Northern Exposure have I faced such daunting latitudes. Yet even then, I availed myself of modern air travel, which I have shunned for this journey in favor of my trusty motored carriage.

Leaving the comforts of my home in Denver is never an occasion to be taken lightly. My other recent ventures to the territories of Las Vegas and New York were great successes. Yet, I must not be over confident. There are many dangers on the Northern Biway, not least of which are people who voted for Trump and are still proud of that.

I will have to keep my wits about me. Read the rest of this entry »

What do I do with all these needles?

Posted: February 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Technique

Sharps

Editor’s Note: This is a Guest Post from our island friend Aloha_Adventures. She is not your doctor or lawyer and neither are we at XCBDSM. This guide should not be interpreted as professional medical or legal advice. Consult someone with letters after their name for that stuff. If you would like to hear more about kinky life on the Hawaiin Islands, let us know in the comments or send us a message. Maybe we can convince her to write more. 

Ok, so some of us love to poke and get poked because needles are awesome!!! But what are we supposed to do with them afterwards?

It has been told to me in the past that you could just deposit a sharps container at a pharmacy when you are done. Unfortunately this does not seem to universally be the case for those of us in the state of Hawaii. Some pharmacies do not want to accept back needles they did not sell you (see this article from Hawaii News Now)

So what do we do after the needle scenes are all finished? Read the rest of this entry »

What Does Education Mean To Me?

Posted: February 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Philosophy

8-point-star FullColor and Text

A few months ago, I published the culmination of many years of work, detailing my core beliefs and guiding principles. I said, then, that I was going to expand on each of the items listed there and it’s time to start working on that. I will be posting a long series of posts talking about the central values and ideals that I try to live by.

EDUCATION - 1

Principle: I will willingly share my skills, knowledge, and experience with others.

Read the rest of this entry »