Isaac Cross’s First Keynote Speech

Posted: January 20, 2018 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized
Now that the official event schedule has been posted, I can proudly announce that I have been asked to give the keynote speech for Beyond Leather this April in Ft. Lauderdale.
 
This is a big step in my “career” as an educator, and I look forward to using my time on the soap box to encourage people to build bridges and strive for compassion.
 
I look forward to seeing my Florida friends, my presenter colleagues, as well as a sizable Colorado contingent that is attending and/or teaching at the event this year.

Isaac Cross Interviewed by Family Affairs

Posted: October 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized

A couple of months ago, I was invited to be join Ben Robbins and the Family Affairs podcast for an hour-long conversation on kink and non-monogamy.

It was a pleasure talking with them. I hope you enjoy it.

It’s not preference. It’s prejudice.

Posted: September 12, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized

It’s not preference. It’s prejudice.

Definitions used in this post.

Orientation = “I experience attraction to this specific set of people and not this specific set of people. My orientation is determined by my attraction, not the other way around.”

Preference = “I am open to these different sets of people but I tend to choose to pursue this specific type.”

Prejudice = I can’t imagine imagine that I would ever date this specific type of person, EVEN IF I EXPERIENCED ATTTACTION TO THEM. 

When you say you “don’t” or “won’t” date black men, or trans people, or any other specific trait of person, that’s not a preference, that’s a prejudice.

I often say “so far, I have not experienced attraction to a cis man, but if it ever happens, I’ll be open to it.” I’ve heard others say something like “I tend not to be attracted to butch women.” Both of these keep the door open while maintaining your right to only date those you are attracted to.

I have no interest in policing you orientation or preferences. I do have a problem with people who would exclude a certain type of person IN SPITE OF their attraction to them. Because that reveals an underlying prejudice. It reveals that they believe that type of person is inherently less valuable than those they “prefer”.

By being definitive and declarative with something like “I only date white guys” or “I’m bi, but I don’t date trans people”, that’s shitty, stigmatizing, and frankly, bigotry.

Maybe when you say those bad examples, you really mean it the other way, that you just happen to not be attracted to a certain type of person. Then say that instead. Because if you don’t say what you mean, no one else can know what you mean.

And if you find that you are attracted to someone, but then reject them solely because you fnd out about a specific trait, then you are prejudiced against that trait. Period. It’s not preference, it’s prejudice.

So for some of you, this is a plea to be more careful with you language and avoid saying problematic shit that makes large groups of people feel othered and devalued. To the rest, it’s a plea to be a better person and fix your prejudice.

Online Non-monogamy Classes on August 26th

Posted: August 8, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Events, Learn Something
Hey, y’all. We’re trying out offering online classes. We did our first couple on BDSM topics in June and we have the next set (This time focused on non-monogamy) coming on August 26th.
 
Check ’em out and hopefully you can join us. We’d also love feedback on future topics to address.
 
“Beyond Monogamy: Introduction to Open Relationships and Polyamory”
 
“Jealousy and Co-Dependency in Non-monogamy”

Stop Saying “Fluid Bonded”

Posted: July 21, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

Note: Each use of the term “Fluid Bonding” in this article will link to different articles on the same topic and which are relevant to what is being discussed here. Click each one for further reading. 

I literally heard the term “fluid bonded” for the first time from the very first people I met in the community about 11 years ago. I still hear it thrown around constantly. It’s a term that means wildly different things to different people and it causes problems. So you shouldn’t use it.

The thinking behind the term goes something like this:

At a certain point in our relationship, we will decide that we matter enough to each other to stop using barriers with things like sex or blood play, after which point, we are “fluid bound/bonded”. This is both symbolic, similar to the “blood brothers” traditions of old, as well as practical (save money on condoms). In both cases, it’s supposed to represent a greater intimacy and connection and act as a sign of a “more serious” relationship.

That sounds all sweet and meaningful, right?

But here’s the thing about that. The term is only used by non-monogamous people or kinksters who play outside of there otherwise monogamous relationships. And there’s a reason for that, a reason which is the first of several problems with it.

Read the rest of this entry »

7 Years

Posted: July 6, 2017 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Life Log

On July 6th, 2010, we launched XCBDSM. In the first few months, we saw about 1,000 pageviews each month. in 2017, we’ve averaged nearly 16,000 pageviews each month. In total, we’ve had just over 525,000 pageviews and over 300,000 unique visitors from all over the world.

We’ve expanded from just being the blog for Isaac Cross (Then called CrossCultureBDSM), to being a collaboration of educators from multiple countries sharing their knowledge and resources and helping everyone to have better relationships.

It’s been an incredible 7 years. Hopefully, there will be at least 7 more.

Love you all. See you soon.

REVIEW: “Ask: Building Consent Culture”

Posted: June 16, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Reviews, Reviews (Book)

Review by Jordyn (XCBDSM.com) and Fox (KinkySprinkles.com)
Edited by Isaac Cross (XCBDSM.com)

Editor’s Note: 

When I first received the copy of this anthology, I knew that I could not review this one alone. I am always conscious of the fact that, as a male-identified person, I have a very different experience in the world and in the communities I am part of. Normally, I try to read books and write reviews with that in mind and seek out some other perspectives when necessary. But with a book that is about consent and the cultural problems with how it is handled in our society, well, there was no reasonable way for me to take the lead. 

So instead, I brought in two of XCBDSM’s female writers/educators to read the book and give their perspective. While I certainly have my own thoughts and reactions, I will let their voices take the mic here. 

Read the rest of this entry »