Guest Post: Exploring Fears

Posted: May 2, 2017 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy

Editor’s Note: Today’s guest post comes to us from Natalia Sombra of South Florida. We met at the Beyond Leather convention in Ft. Lauderdale. I loved this piece she wrote about an experience she had over the weekend and asked to share it with you all. +Isaac

This weekend at Beyond Leather I had the enormous privilege to meet wonderful new people, build stronger bonds within current friendships and overall have a shit load of fun. (One metric shit load is an actual unit of measurement equal to 1/2 of one metric fuck ton)

For anyone who knows me well enough, they know that I like to explore forms of play I intend to do as a Dominant in a scene by getting a little taste of it myself.
However there is one form of play I hadn’t bottomed for that I really enjoy and I had the opportunity to do so this weekend.

Enter, I head on confronted my fear of being stuck with needles and was reminded of the overwhelming effects complete vulnerability can have on ones mind and emotions.

I haven’t had an experience like this in maybe five years, honestly … it’s rare that I allow myself to become this vulnerable. Despite the roller coaster I’m on right now, I’m glad I did it.

I think the primary release of endorphins has triggered a refreshing realization.

Over time I became a little desensitized to the fact that I regularly bring people through these emotional explorations and it literally brought me to tears knowing that people had been able to be so vulnerable with me while I had really been holding back.

The absence of vulnerability is not a strength as a Dominant player, in my opinion it can hinder something that could really be a beautiful power exchange. Accepting one another’s faults and vulnerabilities are part of why I love the lifestyle so much and I had been neglecting that essential part of myself.

That being said, of course exploring my own kinks and sadism with someone is an exposure of sorts- but when the scene is said and done and I have been a witness and facilitator to another’s vulnerability am I not cheating myself and my partners by not opening myself up enough to feel everything with them?

I’m very grateful for this experience and for those I play with, I’m glad I was given an opportunity to be reminded of how much you give to me and how deeply and dynamically those emotions can shift within one scene.

If I keep typing I’ll probably be rambling, although maybe I already was 🙂

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