Guest Post: Looking for a play partner ?

Posted: April 19, 2016 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something

Looking for a play partner ?

By gypsycowgirl (FetLife)

* Re-posted with permission

I want to briefly touch on something I see posted on Fet all the time. People looking for play partners: a top, a bottom, a Dom, a sub, a casual thing, maybe a long term relationship.

As a woman on Fet my profile attracts a lot of people with foot fetishes, it’s just the nature of the game (and my pictures). I frequently have people contact me looking for someone willing to indulge in foot fetish play. I don’t particularly have a foot fetish, (mine is actually stockings and heels) but my profile attract people who do and that’s okay.

I get that people are looking to fulfill their particular fetish, but how about doing some basic investigating first. If someone actually took the time to get to know me, they would find out I don’t really think my feet are pretty. Do they still look great in fishnet stockings and a stiletto; you can be the judge. Believe it or not, the thought of surrendering my feet to someone is much harder to wrap my brain around than the thought of actually having sex with someone….. Weird, I know.

Now I know my feet are kinda big, but I don’t think I have hairy man feet. What I do know is I don’t take great care of them, the polish is always chipped, and I inevitably need a pedicure. I’m defiantly not a foot model, the reality is, they’re 50 years old just like the boobs and butt, but all in all they’re not too bad.

When someone starts up a conversation with me they predictably begin with small pleasantries and then almost immediately something like “I want to suck your toes” or “I would love for you to give me a foot job” comes out of their mouth. I can’t tell you how fast the hair on the back of my neck stands up, my vagina dries up, and my brain starts shouting “Danger Will Robinson”.

On Saturday I witnessed the following and it started me thinking.

I was sitting on the couch talking with one of my favorite Dom’s at our local club when I noticed a young man sitting on the floor next to us. He had a very nice manicure kit open sitting on the floor next to him. He was manicuring and painting finger nails to who ever needed a new color, a touch up, or a new top coat. He had a continuous line, all night long of men and women.

When I commented on what he was doing he replied that he was “providing a service”. He identified as a slave/servant and was happy serving. Now here is my point… he’s quietly providing his service, he’s fulfilling his desire (to serve) but also building trust and respect with the people in his community and potential play partners.

Now I know not everyone is a slave/servant but it seem an extraordinary number of folks are looking for play partners. This young man had nailed the approach without even trying: he simply waited for them to come to him. He had surmounted the biggest barrier with class and ease. People were lined up willing to let him touch them and the even bigger issue…. they trusted him.

Our kind of play, by its very nature is based on trust; Trust that, as a Dom I will have your best interest in mind when I accept your power as you submit. Trust that, as a sub I can hand over my mind and body and you won’t crush me. Trust that, as a rigger I will do everything I can to ensure you don’t suffer nerve damage or a concussion. Trust that, if I have a knife to your throat, you might be afraid, but you know I won’t go any farther than we negotiated. We have established building blocks, starting with communication, and trust.

And this my friends goes right back to the young man providing a service. He wasn’t threatening; he didn’t make it feel sexual, he made everyone feel good, he got his cookies (thanks Midori), and it was a win, win, situation all around. I would bet in the coming weeks he will have multiple offers to play from women he interacted with that night, probably covering way more than just a simple manicure.

So back to my point; how about someone with a foot fetish taking the time to learn how to give a pedicure or a foot massage. Personally, I would gladly teach someone how to give a pedicure.
Would I love getting a foot massage?…OH HELL YES.
Would I be ready to jump into a full foot fetish play on the first date, probably not, but after getting to know someone, becoming comfortable, letting them touch my feet, would I entertain the idea of indulging in their fetish….YES, gladly.

I keep thinking of JFK’s famous 1961 inaugural speech. “Ask not what your country can do for you; ask what you can do for your country”. Be the person that brings something to the table, find that connection. Looking for something that you can do, without having an ulterior motive, will start you down the road that allows potential play partners to find you.

P.S. I have reached out to the young man that inspired this and hopefully we will get to play together soon.

Editor’s Note: Check out “Playing Well With Others” for more about meeting and successfully interacting with potential play-partners. 

  1. Wonderfull, just wonderfull

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