Guest Post: Looking for a play partner ?

Posted: April 19, 2016 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something
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Looking for a play partner ?

By gypsycowgirl (FetLife)

* Re-posted with permission

I want to briefly touch on something I see posted on Fet all the time. People looking for play partners: a top, a bottom, a Dom, a sub, a casual thing, maybe a long term relationship.

As a woman on Fet my profile attracts a lot of people with foot fetishes, it’s just the nature of the game (and my pictures). I frequently have people contact me looking for someone willing to indulge in foot fetish play. I don’t particularly have a foot fetish, (mine is actually stockings and heels) but my profile attract people who do and that’s okay.

I get that people are looking to fulfill their particular fetish, but how about doing some basic investigating first. If someone actually took the time to get to know me, they would find out I don’t really think my feet are pretty. Do they still look great in fishnet stockings and a stiletto; you can be the judge. Believe it or not, the thought of surrendering my feet to someone is much harder to wrap my brain around than the thought of actually having sex with someone….. Weird, I know. Read the rest of this entry »

Breaking Up With Vanilla Sex

Posted: April 13, 2016 by Jordyn in Uncategorized
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Last night after browsing loads of tumblr porn, I had an epiphany. Y’know. Like you do after looking at porn. But the epiphany needs a little back story.

For…a while now, I’ve been feeling a big shift in my sexual desire. In that I’ve had relatively little of it. Sort of. I’ve had plenty of urging to orgasm, to masturbate and play with toys and look at porn. But I haven’t had a ton of desire to mesh squishy body parts with people…. Sort of. If asked, I would still say yes, I’d have sex everyday if I could. If someone brings up the idea, I’m often into it. But there’s been something about it I’ve never felt before. A sense of work. Perhaps even… boredom? (I apologize now for ellipsis abuse. Just relax and let it happen). It’s this, “been here, done that, got the t shirt, the frustration, the giggles, the orgasms, the sexy feels and happy, sweaty exertions”. I have done it in a house, I have done it with a mouse, I have done it in a box, I have done it with a fox. Boys, girls, and every flavor in between and around the two.

It’s not to say that I’ve disliked the sex. It’s been alright. Having sex with someone is a helluva lot better than doing laundry. I used to say that even bad sex was still better than none, or was still a fun way to spend an evening. But… I’m not so sure anymore. Read the rest of this entry »

Colorado: Lifestyle-Aware Mental Health First Aid Training Available

Posted: April 1, 2016 by Isaac Cross in Events, Learn Something, Resources
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1 in 4 people will struggle with a mental health challenge in their lifetime. That means it’s likely someone you care about will be or has been impacted. Would you know what to look for, and how to help?

Become Mental Health First Aid certified, and join thousands of Coloradoans already part of the movement to increase mental health literacy and reduce stigma. Learn the signs of mental health challenges, how to respond, and how to connect those in crisis with support systems.

Find out more about the MHFA program and sign up to be notified of MHFA training in your area by CLICKING HERE.

Travel Update

Posted: February 13, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Events, Life Log
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I haven’t posted updates in a while, but due to a change in job (yeah, I have a “normal” job), I will be travelling to teach again this year. Here’s some of the dates we have so far:

Feb 28 – March 7: ROME, ITALY!!!! That’s right, I am teaching internationally for the first time this year. March 4-6 I will be teaching four classes at the Rome BDSM Conference. It will be a new experience, since I will be teaching with a translator, but it should be a great time. I’ll be meeting up with a partner of mine who lives in Copenhagen (Denmark) and spending a few days messing around southern Europe before we hit the conference. It should be a blast.

April 8-10: Denver, CO. It’s my home town, but still. Colorado Leather Fest is that weekend. In addition to being there as a representative of ColoradoCAL, I will also be teaching a couple of classes.

April 28 – May 1: Ft. Lauderdale, FL. I will be teaching a couple classes in addition to being the Dungeon Monitor Coordinator for Beyond Leather.

July 7-10: Albany, NY. Weekend of Wickedness. This should be a fun one. It’s out in the wilderness and secluded so the whole event is clothing optional.

 

So that’s what I have on the horizon. If anyone else wants me, I have a very flexible schedule and low demands. Check out my class list here.

Categorizing Human Relationships

Posted: December 29, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Life Log, Resources
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I am working on a project to try and come up with (either by finding it or creating it) a system for categorizing human relationships in a purely descriptive sense.

Previous attempts to classify or categorize human relationships have mostly focused on the personality of the individual, rather than the objective, observable details that make one relationship different from another. (See Bowlby 1969 & 1973, Ainsworth et al. 1978, Bretherton & Waters 1985, Hazan & Shaver 1987). However, some have attempted to address these more descriptive differences. (See Kelley et al. 1983, Hendrick & Hendrick 1986) But those focused solely on romantic or sexual relationships.

One of the best attempts on the subject that I have found is Kayser, Schwinger, & Cohen (1984) which examined loving relationships, friendships, and work relationships separately.

Foa and Foa’s “Resource Theory” developed in the early 1990’s has a lot of promise, and I may start there. (The theory is that we fundamentally exchange 6 types of resources: love, status, service, information, goods, money. These types of resources vary by the degree of their concreteness/abstractness and by the degree of their unversalisticness/particularlisticness. If a type of resource is universalistic, it means that it maintains the same value regardless who the giver is. Likewise, it is considered as particularlistic if its value depends on who gave the resource.)

Many of these relationship models fail to consider a broader view of relationships. While the discussion of the exchange of status and service in the context of a romantic relationship can be easily tweaked to address D/s dynamics, but the question of an open vs closed relationship is somewhat more difficult to address, especially when love is considered a resource/commodotiy, and therefore is finite or zero-sum like goods or money.

Previous research aside, I am bouncing back and forth between how an categorization system should be approached. Should it be taxonomic (like how we organize species of lifeforms) or should it be more like computer specs, with each feature being independent of each other one?

I would be curious to know if any readers have ideas? Either for places to go for research or an idea for how to approach the problem? I’ll probably be working on this for a while.

Your “Protector” Is Hurting You

Posted: December 28, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Uncategorized
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Note: I shouldn’t have to say this, but this is obviously just one person’s opinion. The following is based on my observations of the community over the last decade. If it doesn’t match your opinion or your perspective, that is totally ok. I am happy to discuss and even debate in the comments, but non-constructive comments will absolutely be deleted without hesitation. This is a tricky subject and tends to bring out emotions in people. That’s fine, but if you make it personal, you’re gone.

X-Posted Here on Fetlife. I highly recommend checking out the fetlife post, as there is a long string of responses and conversation that I think is very valuable.

TL/DR: If you have a protector listed on your Fetlife profile, you should expect to be (rightfully) ignored by a large portion of the community, who wants nothing to do with you or your protector. You will find yourself struggling more than necessary to find a good partner, no matter how many personal ads you post or how nice you are at parties. In fact, many people will purposefully avoid you.

image20151228-2255-jcfgr7I am sorry if that sounds harsh or judgmental, but it is simply the truth as I have observed it. And I am FAR from being the only one who thinks so. Read the rest of this entry »

Kinky Poly Is Great! (Except When It Sucks)

Posted: December 23, 2015 by Jordyn in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy, Technique
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Editors Note: For more on this subject, check out the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera

I love being poly. It is intrinsic to who I am- it’s as much a part of my sexual identity as being pansexual or kinky. It’s great, it’s awesome, it’s the best thing since sliced bread (which, admittedly, is not that much of a game-changer in my life). So maybe it’s better than sliced bread.

But. All that said- it’s still really fucking hard. Throw in a D/s dynamic on top of that, and things get real weird in a hurry.

Despite a thorough search, I have been unable to identify the author of this image. Any help is appreciated.

Read the rest of this entry »

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