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Below are a couple books that I have found useful and interesting.
For a full list of recommended reading, visit my Bookshelf Page.
Clicking on the images will take you to the Amazon product page.
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This book did so much more just add words to my existing knowledge and experience, as I had expected. This book taught me things. This book changed the way that I think about relationships. All relationships, not just poly. I have spent the last two days lost in thought, re-evaluating a lot of my own choices and beliefs. And that’s good. That’s what a great book like this should do.
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Combines Miss Abernathy’s Concise Slave Training Manual and Training With Miss Abernathy in one deluxe volume.
Replete with updated resources and references, Erotic Slavehood will take its place among the basic BDSM reference manuals.
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Respected columnist and scene leader Rinella has carefully explored how BDSM relationships fit into real people's lives.
From that research, and his own two decades as an active leatherman, he has assembled this sensible, readable manual about how kinky relationships really work.
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This has been my biggest year yet for teaching. And I just found out that I have been chosen to present at Beyond Leather 5 next April in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida.
This is easily the largest event that I have had the chance to teach at, and I look forward to it.
I will also be spending a week and a half in the DC area doing a series of workshops at several locations, including the Winter Solstice conference in New Jersey.
I’ll have more details on these trips soon.
I know, I know, I’ve been away for a while. It’s not that I have less to say, I just haven’t had the time to put it here. But I can’t let more than a day or two go by without breaking down the weekend. I’ll start with the thank yous and see if there is anything left to say after that. I will not use names. You know who you are.
First and foremost, thank you to the event producers. For believing in me, for encouraging me, for inviting me back. I love you guys.
A special thanks to my favorite Happy Little Hostess for the honor of being welcomed into The Last Frontier Men’s Club in such a touching and meaningful way. I could go on forever about you, but I will simply say thank you. Read the rest of this entry »
Fear is not a natural response to a stimulus. It is a learned response. It is the ability to recognize danger and then choose to flee from it or confront it.
We feel fear when the world has taught us that something is dangerous. That something is painful. That something should be avoided if possible.
It takes a long time to deprogram a fear, longer if that fear is deep-seated. So to suggest that a fear is something that someone should “get over” disregards the significant effort necessary.
Image from Futurity.org *
I just finished an amazing weekend in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida at Beyond Leather 2011.
For an event only in its forth year, the producers of BL (Sir Top and slave bonnie) have put together an outstanding group of presenters and created an environment that is welcoming, entertaining, relaxing, and inspirational. Read the rest of this entry »
Ever wonder why people in a political party, who are ordinarily diverse and varied, all seem to hold the same opinions when it comes time to vote? Ever wonder why kinky people, who rant about society judging us, all seem to be so judgmental of each other?
Well, there is actually a science to this. Call it peer-pressure or conformity, but it is a fascinating subject either way.
Watch this video. It’s ten minutes long and will make you a better person. And he will tell you why it will make you a better person at 7:10 into the video. But don’t cheat and skip ahead. At about 5:50, start thinking about communities that you are a part of, whether kinky or political or hobby based. I bet you’ll recognize some things.
After you’ve watched the video, read the rest of this post for my favorite parts and a few extra thoughts.
Cross’s Note: As most of you know, I scour the web looking for good content from authors who can speak about concepts, practices, and experiences that I might not be able to write about. Sometimes, I find someone who simply writes it better than I could have. Either way, I want to use this website to promote all the ideas and eduction I can, not just promote myself. So without further ado, here’s this
So your ol’ poly Master has brought home a new young hottie and is smothering her with attention. Suddenly you look in the mirror and it is as if your mind is playing tricks and you are looking into one of those carnival mirrors that makes you look 40 pounds fatter.
The pores in your complexion must have grown 10 times their normal size and you either feel your heart has been torn out and are having an uncontrolled hungry for ice cream, or, you’re so jealous that you’re not in you’re right mind and just about 3/4 pissed off.
I know… believe me I know…… Read the rest of this entry »
It’s not just here in the kink community, t’s everywhere.
There’s this big need in some people to make everybody love each other and have big group hugs.
But since this is a kinky blog, I’m going to focus on the kinky problem.
Over the last few days, an anonymous person or group has started a push to bring “unity” to the community. And people are jumping on board because it sounds like an admirable goal.
The thing is that whole “communities” are never unified unless they are doing so to combat a shared threat. And that’s always how it is everywhere. The day after 9/11, everybody put up flags and Republicans and Democrats all hugged each other and passed the “let’s blow up Afghanistan” act nearly unanimously and within a matter of days. But sooner or later, when people stopped being scared, we went back to fighting with each other again about tax breaks and abortion.
The only way this community, the people of bdsm/kink/leather, are all going to come together as a single group is if a Senator puts a bill on the floor tomorrow that makes BDSM a criminal offense. Club membership will soar, everyone will donate a bunch of money and we’ll all show up and march to protect ourselves. But when the bill is defeated in a few weeks, we would all go back to our separate little huts until the next dragon comes along.
The only way we will ever have a functioning, cohesive one-world government that covers the entire globe is if aliens attack. Until then, we will continue to be a fragmented world.
And with even the smallest communities, such as the Denver kink scene. We will choose to spend our time with the people closest to our own ideologies and personalities. It doesn’t make us wrong, it doesn’t make us bad, it doesn’t mean that anything needs to change. We need to embrace and celebrate diversity by letting it run its course. We don’t have to all be in the same parties in order to respect each other.
We have our TNG parties because young people have a different energy to them and I like to spend some time immersed in that energy. That doesn’t mean that I can’t still appreciate the different but equally powerful energy of the elders in our community.
So please, stop trying to unify my community. I don’t want one big homogenized blob. I like how varied and special each individual group is. I like that I know I can get different things from different places.
Should we be sure to be inclusive and make sure that everyone has access to the education and support resources that are available, you bet!
But that doesn’t mean I have to like you or that you have to like me. And the notion that any amount of kumbaya is going to change that inherent fact is just ridiculous.
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