XCBDSM is pleased to team up with the Colorado Center for Alternative Lifestyles a two-day weekend intensive.
This weekend will offer over 12 hours of education, valuable to everyone involved with BDSM, regardless of role.
We’re Teaching in Denver Again in November
Posted: October 15, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Events, Resources0
WHAT A BROKEN NOSE TAUGHT ME ABOUT BDSM, NEGOTIATION, AND DEPRESSION
Posted: October 5, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, PhilosophyWritten By Fox
From the Kinky Sprinkles Blog
(Posted here with permission from the author)
I have written, and re-written this post about a dozen times. I love to share my knowledge of BDSM with others, to better the community and to better myself. When it comes to talking about my own mistakes and issues, the words don’t quite flow the way I want them to. I even considered never writing about this, just keeping it wrapped up in a little ball of self loathing in my chest. I was hurt in play that wasn’t well negotiated. The two tops I played with are people I love and care about very much. The event destroyed me. I was crippled by anxiety, depression and embarrassment that I had let something like that happen. This writing is still very raw, and probably won’t flow quite like some of my other writings do.
In my local scene I have been known to be rough and tumble. I am the tough bottom. When I bottom I am neither submissive nor well behaved. There is something to be said for acknowledging that no matter how strong someone is, we as humans are fragile creatures. I pride myself in trying to be a solid communicator, and setting my boundaries well. Well, I slipped up. Some casual nudging turned into full blown play. Two tops who I have negotiated with, and played with countless times before (I have spoken with both of them about this event). Who they are doesn’t really matter for the content of this writing. I don’t mean to shame them, hurt them or ruin their position in our community at all. This post is about me, and all the could haves and should haves and lessons to be learned. Read the rest of this entry »
“Just.”
We use this word… a lot.
I know I sure used to. Just a little late, just a small dent, just a little bigger, just, just, just. It’s a qualifier that signals that something is… less than. Not as important, inconsequential. And it’s this feeling of dismissiveness that’s led me to seriously, carefully consider when I use this word in conversation. I catch myself and others all the time- “Is she just your friend? Is he just your boss? They’re just a secondary, right?” Or, my absolute most hated- “You’re just a submissive.” ” You’re just a top”. Read the rest of this entry »
My Polyamory Philosophy
Posted: October 1, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
I see this question, or something like it, very often.
“How do you protect your relationship when you open it to others? How do you make sure that you don’t lose what you have to someone else? How do you deal with the pain of seeing that your partner is happier with someone else than they seem to be with you.”
Well, first and foremost, I want to make sure to acknowledge that pain is real. I don’t want anything that I am about to say to invalidate that or anything.
However.
I don’t value the relationship itself and I don’t do anything to protect it or preserve it. As long as the relationship serves the interests of the people, the relationship will endure all by itself. If the costs of the relationship outweigh the benefits, then it needs to either be re-negotiated or ended. Because, to quote a book, “The people in the relationship are more important than the relationship.” Read the rest of this entry »
The Myth of the “No-Limits” Slave
Posted: September 23, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
Image used in compliance with Creative Commons 3.0 License
Recently, an individual posted a journal entry claiming to be a “no-limits, 24/7 slave” to her Master. She was upset, because at a recent discussion group, she was told by a number of members of the group that there was no such thing as a “no-limits slave” and in fact that the expectation of 24/7-365 is unrealistic and a path to misery. She was upset about this because, from her perspective, they were denying her reality and failing to acknowledge the way that she expresses her submission.
(An undercurrent tone in her post suggested that she ascribed to the notion that “slave” and submissives are two totally separate groups that do not overlap, which I do not agree with, but that is another rant.)
Here is what I think.
I think the question of realistic expectations is important to understand and I think the person who raised that concern is correct. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the original person was wrong. Read the rest of this entry »
Original Illustration by Odd Agaric
Editors Note: We are please to have added a new member of our team, Odd Agaric, who will be contributing original works of art to accompany articles. We are also happy to have another article from our newest author, KC. Enjoy
+ Isaac Cross
I am a woman.
A human being.
Thus, I have human traits such as emotion. I have the same feelings as any other woman; suffer from the same ailments, live with the same highs and lows from life. I have no choice in being human.
I am also a slave.
I choose to live my life according to the wishes of my master. I choose to serve him. He allows me to continue my profession. I ask for permission to come and go. He owns the vehicle which I drive, he pays all my bills, he handles all the decisions. I am allowed to masturbate with his permission. Living this life is my choice.
Yet the two facets combined can cause some disruption. Read the rest of this entry »
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