Editors Note: We are please to have added a new member of our team, Odd Agaric, who will be contributing original works of art to accompany articles. We are also happy to have another article from our newest author, KC. Enjoy
+ Isaac Cross
I am a woman.
A human being.
Thus, I have human traits such as emotion. I have the same feelings as any other woman; suffer from the same ailments, live with the same highs and lows from life. I have no choice in being human.
I am also a slave.
I choose to live my life according to the wishes of my master. I choose to serve him. He allows me to continue my profession. I ask for permission to come and go. He owns the vehicle which I drive, he pays all my bills, he handles all the decisions. I am allowed to masturbate with his permission. Living this life is my choice.
Yet the two facets combined can cause some disruption.
Humans have emotional highs and lows. We go through days of depression, days of great joy, days which we are grouchy, days which we are giggly, and days which we just want to crawl back in bed and ignore the world. That doesn’t change just because a slave chooses to give their life to a master.
My master is an extremely patient man. I am a 49 year old woman, very educated, teaching college courses in argumentative writing. I love to debate issues; I love a good argument.
When I say argument, I certainly do not mean a fight. I absolutely do not mean a brawl. I mean a good debate with a clear reason and a good counter argument. I win many debates in my life because I understand the theory that everyone has an opinion and if you concede or agree to at least one point of your opponent’s opinion they tend to be more open minded in listening to your own reasons.
It is extremely difficult at times to reconcile this trait in my personality with one of total submission in my home. My master often has to have a firm hand in correcting me. Most recently when he asks a question and my mind is somewhere else and I simply reply, “yeah” or “okay.” Oooh, he hates that and corrects me first with “excuse me?” If I am really not paying attention (or just in a mood), I will repeat my first response, often the result of which is punishment. If I think quick enough however I will often backpedal with a “yes sir.”
His leniency in this matter from my first response is because he knows often that moving from my professional persona to the submissive is a continual struggle. He also knows that often I am just acting out and want to be a brat. This of course is treated with punishment or at the very least a good staring until I correct myself.
That brings us to this story, an issue that had put our household in turmoil.
I had just started to go through menopause.
I am somewhat young for it, however my mother and grandmother went through this early, my mom as early as 38, so I wasn’t surprised or displeased at first. Hell, who wouldn’t want to get rid of the stupid bleeding, bloating, bitchy days of the month? However, I was in for a rude awakening when all of a sudden my moods became crazy. I can definitely see how a woman can go off the deep end when going through this phase in her life. The littlest thing would set me off.
Now being a submissive, a slave to a wonderful master, I recognize many of you are probably saying (especially the dom men reading this) “oh you can control it, you know who your master is and you know to show proper respect at all times.”
I cannot express enough that there are times when I totally lose any sense of judgement. I often lose control of the words that come out of my mouth. Seriously it is as if I am possessed by the queen of the bitch fest.
One episode which occurred that my master and I can laugh about today (though not when it happened of course) was about 3 months ago.
I know the people my master works with fairly well. When one of them resigned, I was invited by the office manager, who is a good friend, to attend the farewell get-together. However, since no other spouses would be attending, I thought it might be uncomfortable, so I asked permission to stay home. He said that was fine.
I also knew that there would be alcohol at this function. I do not have an issue with alcohol at all. I imbibe myself occasionally, but not much, first because I am a lightweight to begin with, and secondly I am in the throes of menopause where one must watch their calorie and carbohydrate intake to avoid the dreaded muffin top weight gain.
My master and I normally do everything socially together. Our relationship is one of friendship as well as compatibility along with the partnership of our lifestyle. Our friends all know I am a slave (and I wear my collar all the time, it is permanent on my neck) and while they ask questions often, they accept us as they would any other couple.
That said, master going to a party without me would normally be absolutely no problem. In fact, his attending alone was my idea. The day of this party was two days before I gave my summer class their final exam, and I planned to use the time to organize for the semester end. Good thoughts right?
The day started out fine, I drove an hour and 20 minutes to campus to teach my two classes. Sir went to his office. We exchanged a few text messages. He called at lunch but was exhausted so the conversation was short as he wanted to take a power nap. He called again in the afternoon during the 4 minute drive from his office to a meeting. I was home by this time, straightening up the kitchen. I had no plans for dinner since sir would probably be eating with his coworkers. I knew he would finish working around 5:30 and would call me on the way to the party. I became engrossed in my final lesson plans and prep work for my students final exam.
Out of the blue around 6:15, I suddenly got super angry, well no, pissed off… because he had not called me. Not even a text. I do not normally throw a fit over such, knowing it is his right to call and text me or not. I also know that I am allowed to call or text him whenever I feel the need; he has given me that right, but I was crazy pissed that he had failed to phone me before heading to this party. I paced the floor imagining all kinds of crazy scenarios. Yes, I even was envisioning him fucking around with other drunken women at this party (we are monogamous).
At 7:00, still not hearing from him, I totally acted irrational. I text him, “I am going to bed. IF you come home do not wake me.”
He responded with “Ok baby girl get a good night’s sleep.”
By the time I had received this…of course in my illogical menopausal mine I was thinking his response was not timely, yet it was probably only seconds after I sent the first text, I was getting even more angry so I shot out another text that said, “Forget that, I am leaving…have a good one.”
I knew better. Somewhere beneath that layer of menopausal thinking I knew that I was simply looking for a reaction…for him to pay attention to ME. I was pissed off that he had gone to this party without me and was upset because I had not talked to him in hours.
I packed a quick bag of essentials, got in his car and headed back to my office. Of course I had no idea master was already almost home. As I was driving down the road, 15 miles out, the phone rang, it was master, and I hesitated for a moment in an act of utter defiance (which I rarely feel much less act upon) before answering.
He stated the simple sentence, “Get your ass, which I own, back to this house” and hung up.
I was behaving and thinking all ways of craziness. As an owned slave, I would never think to defy my master in any situation, yet this one evening my thoughts and behavior belied my “I am proud to be an owned slave” mentality. I pulled into a Sonic and sat silently in a parking spot as I tried to sort out what was going on with me. I love my master, how could I be so disrespectful and disobedient? What would I do without him? I trust his guidance and believe in our relationship. I gave all control to him. In all my years and all my failed relationships, this one gave me comfort and a sense of safety. Why was I leaving, what possessed me to become so angry and behave with such anger and compulsiveness? In a calming moment when I knew I had no answers and really wanted to be home safe is his arms, I turned around and headed home.
When I walked to the door, I was unable to enter, He had locked the deadbolt. I knocked with no answer, I knocked again and waited…my heart pounded. Just as I was panicked that he was not going to let me in, the door opened.
I walked into the living room and my master stood there with his arms crossed and sternly looked into my face silently demanding an explanation for my irrational behavior. Once again my menopausal brain took over and and an arrogant ego surfaced. I really believe a shot of hormones was controlling my defiant thoughts. We did not scream, yell, or become violent. Of course not. I am, first and foremost, a pacifist, but we did argue, with many of my statements to him done so with a voice of disrespect and sarcasm.
At this point, my master had the look of utter confusion and incredible concern on his face which made me crumble to my knees. In this position of respect towards my master I began explaining how I was feeling. My submissive persona was regretting the decisions and actions of my temporary menopausal personality, and I was again calm and subservient.
We talked about this episode and the changes I was experiences for many hours; I explained what I believed I was going through and found out that he did not realize my struggles or changes in thinking, he knew I was had started the menopause trail, but did not realize I was having any difficulty. Part of his failure to notice there was a problem was because I had a strong sex drive and he just presumed women going through menopause lost their sex drive. Not so with me; (he said he always knew I was a bit off from “normal”) I have an insane sex drive which has increased and become almost surreal in the past year, unlike most women going through this period in their life.
After I was comforted and forgiven, we crawled into bed content that we had sorted out what had happened and how I was feeling. We had discussed manners in which I could act out without becoming disrespectful or disobedient. I knew I needed to visit my OB-GYN and discuss my irrational behavior as well and promised my master I would call for an appointment first thing the next day.
This is not to say I did not receive any punishment for my actions. As a 24/7 slave I believe that misbehavior deserves corrective actions, but because my master understood what had occurred and began to understand what I was going through during this phase in my life, he offered me a choice in punishments. I chose the harsher of his choices and was unable to sit for a day due to his weighty wooden paddle applied heavily to my bottom. Yet the aftermath of this episode not only brought us closer together, but gave a sense of clarity to my master. He has since researched the changes which may occur as I go through menopause. He understands now my mood swings and helps me temper them. He bought extra fans for our bedroom and my office to help alleviate my hot flash incidents (which are now gone thanks to an over the counter, natural supplement my OB-GYN suggested). He encourages me to exercise and eat right and has me keep a food and exercise journal which he looks over every day. He talks me through my anxiety attacks and patiently rubs my back during them (these too are almost gone now). When he senses moodiness in my behavior he tickles me. Yes, tickles me. I always laugh, that wonderful deep down gut laugh, and of course like many women with less than perfect bladder control, I often wet my pants, which is, of course, a prelude to sex… a tale I will save for another day.
I am not ashamed of this phase in my life. Certainly it is very confusing to a submissive to have unusual disrespectful and arrogant thoughts these of which can get out of hand and often can lead to bad behavior. I am honored that my master chose to help me through it. He has made me understand that while he is in charge of everything in our lives, he is right there beside me, helping me through this very natural phase of being a woman.
To any submissive or slave out there reading this, if you are close to menopause age or simply going through mood and body changes, communicate with your master. Any owner who loves you will certainly understand. By talking through your changes, your relationship will become stronger and more grounded. and you can work together to find good solutions for any menopausal symptoms and or behavior issues.