Archive for the ‘Philosophy’ Category

Doms & Tops Get Scared, Too

Posted: September 2, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Learn Something, Philosophy
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One of our earliest posts on this site was one examining the emotion of fear.

Recently, I have been thinking a lot about this thing called fear. Specifically, I have been thinking about the ways that the notion of fear within the context of kink is often linked only to the right-of-slash, s-type persons. But as someone who has had their share of dominant and topping experiences, I have come to realize that fear is an ever-present challenge that cannot be ignored and should be respected, even by the top.

7340352522_c1b0a8b0f9_z (more…)

Guest Post: The Myth of “Protection”

Posted: August 7, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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The following article was originally posted to Fetlife.com by Andrew Love, of MrAndrewLove.com and is republished here with the permission of the author. 

The Myth of “Protection”
by Andrew Love

I get it! You’re brand new, coming into a kinky world filled with all sorts of people willing to come up to you and they bluntly ask, “Can I do dirty stuff to you?” It can all feel very overwhelming.

I would love to tell you that everyone in the community is safe, that no one on FetLife would ever do you harm, that we manage to filter out every unsavory character. This is not true, they exist and often times the people that will do you harm actually mean the best for you. (more…)

Guest Post ~ BDSM Bullshit: Who can be suspended?

Posted: July 29, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy, Technique
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The following article, including footnotes, was originally published at RemedialRopes.com, which is an awesome educational project created by Stefanos and Shay, and has been re-posted here with permission. Please visit the site and support their work. 

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Let’s start with an easy one- here’s a statement I hope we all recognize as bullshit: “Only skinny people can be suspended!” With me so far? Ok. Now, here’s what I sometimes hear as a counter to that particular piece of bullshit: “Anyone of any body size can be suspended!” Unfortunately… also bullshit. It’s a pit of snakes! Let’s jump in! (more…)

Get Ready Guys, Nothing Can Stop Fifty Shades

Posted: July 24, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Current Events, Learn Something, Philosophy
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(If you like this post, be sure to follow XCBDSM. There are several options on the left side of the page.)

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Ok, yes, I know. The release of the Fifty Shades of Grey trailer and the coming release of the film in February means that an even wider audience is going to be exposed to the incredibly inadequate portrayal of BDSM in that story.

And yes, I know. That means that a whole bunch of wannabe kinksters with fantasies bigger than their pain tolerance will be flooding into kink clubs all over the country.

But guys, buried inside of all of that rough are some seriously large diamonds. So let’d all take some deep breaths and look on the bright side.  (more…)

Guest Post: The Way I Do Poly ~ by Shay

Posted: July 22, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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The following was originally posted at StefanosAndShay.com and has been re-posted with permission. Please consider visiting their educational project at RemedialRopes.com to support safe BDSM practices. 
I’ve thought a lot about the way I want to practice poly in my relationships. Stefanos and I have always been lucky enough to have a relationship that just worked with very minimal need for processing or “rules”, but it’s come to my attention that I can’t expect all my relationships to flow that way…
Note that I’m not in ANY WAY putting this forward as the one true way to do poly. Your mileage may vary. Particularly, I tend to practice a very autonomous brand of poly that is not for everyone, and I’m of the belief that if it’s not working for *someone* in a poly group, it’s not working for *anyone* in a poly group. Some things that are important to me:
-I need to feel secure, and that I am as much a priority to my partner as they are to me.
-Once things go beyond a casual level, I need to know my partner’s other partners (POPs). We don’t need to be besties, or even friends, but we do need to be able to be friendly on some minimal social level.
-I need to know/feel that my POPs respect me and the relationship I have with their partner, and their partner’s autonomy with regard to our relationship. I strongly prefer that they actually be happy (have compursion [sic]) with regards to my time with their partner, but I’ll settle for them respecting it without drama.
-I need to be able to be affectionate with my partner around their other partners without drama/hurt feelings. I’m not clingy, and I’m not talking about taking over if my partner is on a date with someone else, but I won’t hide my affection or change my relationship interactions based on who’s watching. Avoiding being all together at the same time is not an acceptable solution to this issue.
-I need to feel that my relationship with my partner is between us, private on at least some level, and not dictated by/entirely at mercy of my POPs.
-I need to know/feel that my partner’s relationships with their other partners makes them happy. Not all the time, no relationship is perfect of course, but on balance.
The above was originally posted at StefanosAndShay.com and has been re-posted with permission. Please consider visiting their educational project at RemedialRopes.com to support safe BDSM practices. 

Stop and Listen

Posted: May 31, 2014 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Last night, I went and experienced a live performance by an amazing artist, a violinist named Lindsay Stirling. If you are unfamiliar with her work, here are a few of my favorite pieces of hers, including several of her joint ventures with some of my other favorite artists, including Peter Hollens and Pentatonix.

Pure Stirling:
Crystalize
Elements
Zelda Medley
Shadows

Awesome Collaborations:
Shatter Me, featuring Lzzy Hale from Halestorm
Mission Impossible, featuring The Piano Guys
Radioactive, featuring Pentatonix
Star Wars Medley, featuring Peter Hollens

Ok, so now that I have adequately promoted the artist, it time for me to complain.

I was about 8 layers of people back from the stage, and yet for half of the performance, all I could see was this:

(Image Courtesy of rollingstone.com)

(Image Courtesy of rollingstone.com)

I will admit, I took about a dozen pictures during the concert. But a lot of these people, never dropped their arms. For the entire concert, all they paid attention to was whether they were getting a good shot, either in stills or recorded video.  (more…)

My First Time in a Dungeon: The Merits of Not Censoring Scenes

Posted: May 12, 2014 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy
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I first held a knife to a girl’s throat in a sexual/BDSM context in 2001. I was 16 and I cut myself pretty bad during that experience. This would not be the last time I cut myself during knife play, but I have never drawn blood from a partner unless I meant to.

A few years later, in spring of 2005, I started playing with the girl who is now my wife. We were 19 at the time.

We were not allowed into play parties, our local convention, or most other other types of events in the area. Because everything was 21+. This meant that we took most of our cues and early BDSM ideas from internet porn (which, it turns out, is not a reliable source of accurate information about responsible play). There were mistakes, some of them resulting in injury.

When I was finally turned 21, in 2006, it was a mere few weeks before Thunder In The Mountains (TITM).

Now, if you have never been to TITM, I will simply describe it this way: Hundreds of people, sometimes as many as a thousand, the largest dungeon you will probably ever see (at nearly 50,000 square feet) and some of the most famous or notorious names in Kink from around the world. (more…)

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