Archive for the ‘Learn Something’ Category

My Core Beliefs and Guiding Principles

Posted: December 9, 2015 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy
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I have been working on this collection of ideas for many years, tweaking and drawing from various sources, trying to come up with a compact set of statements that accurately describes my approach to BDSM (and most of the rest of my life, as well). Over the next few months, I hope to write in more detail about what each of these things means to me and how they are applied in my life. It is always a work in progress, I evolve and adapt my views constantly. These tenants are goals which I strive for in pursuit, not of unattainable perfection, but of excellence.

Core Beliefs

  • Participants in BDSM have a responsibility to honor the work of those who have journeyed before us while also choosing a path that is right for ourselves
  • Consent is the critical foundation of all participation in BDSM and power exchange.
  • Consent is dependent on honesty, integrity, knowledge, and experience.
  • Consent requires emotional maturity and mental stability.
  • Power exchange dynamics, friendship, BDSM play, and sexuality are distinct bonds. While they can be interwoven, a fulfilling connection between individuals can include any combination thereof.
  • Real power exchange relationships must be based in reality, and not fantasy or works of fiction.
  • A person deserves dedication, devotion and loyalty from those they associate with.
  • The expectation of obedience requires consistent, thoughtful, intelligent, and empathetic command.
  • Authority is drawn, initially, from the consent of the servant but must be sustained by the character of those they serve.
  • A person should strive to be ever-worthy of their partners and never allow commitment to excuse complacency.

Guiding Principles

8-point-star FullColor and Text

Honor

Principle: I will conduct myself at all times and in all situations with honesty, fairness and consistency.

Integrity

Principle: I will strive to live as a whole and integrated person, free of duplicity, and comfortable in my own skin.

Authenticity

Principle: I will represent myself truthfully at all times.

  • I will be truthful regarding my origin and background.
  • I will be truthful regarding the source of my knowledge or ideas.
  • I will be truthful in the portrayal of my personality and desires.
  • I will be truthful with my affection and devotion.
  • I will be truthful regarding my plans and goals.

Loyalty

Principle: I will act with loyalty to the community and individuals that I associate with.

  • I will guard carefully the privileged knowledge that others may choose to share with me and keep such information in the strictest confidence.
  • I will treat others with respect and dignity, even when they are not present
  • I will encourage others to bring complaints or concerns to the attention of the offending individual, organization, or other proper authority, and will not entertain their complaints or gossip myself except to offer support, advice, or guidance, if requested.
  • I will make others aware of any individual who openly expresses hostility or animosity towards them.

Growth

Principle: I will always endeavor to improve myself and my abilities.

  • I will watch for and actively pursue opportunities to develop new or existing skills, both within kink and outside of it.
  • I will seek the council of others when faced with personal dilemmas or challenges.
  • I will honestly and accurately assess my own weaknesses and work to reduce or eliminate them.
  • I will approach failure as an opportunity to learn and improve.

Discipline

Principle: I will not allow my ability to maintain self-control to be impaired.

  • I will not allow sudden emotions to dictate my actions or choices.
  • I will monitor myself for destructive behavior which is habitual or impulsive in nature and will take steps to correct it.
  • Use of mind-altering substances will not be permitted to interfere with my health, my responsibilities, or my ability to adhere to these principles.

Education

Principle: I will willingly share my skills, knowledge, and experience with others.

Service

Principle: Regardless of my role in my relationships, my community, or my society, I will pursue a path of service.

Significant influences for this writing include Master Jack McGeorge, Master Skip Chasey, and Master Obsidian.

Reckless Abandon

Posted: November 18, 2015 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy, Technique
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Last night, I saw a couple play in the dungeon.

A play-by-play of the scene would fail to portray it as remarkable, as none of the individual actions were unique. 

But the total was so much more than its parts.

Underneath the actions themselves was a current of energy and purpose that I can only describe as reckless abandon. (more…)

Why That Picture On Your FetLife Profile Is A Concern To Me

Posted: October 30, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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A Related Writing From January

I’m not the internet police, nor do I try to be. So I don’t to go around Fetlife reporting people for posting pictures that don’t belong to them, nor do I get all up in arms about it on a regular basis, though I do occasionally participate in the discussions, usually just to correct some misconceptions about the law. But I do notice when a person’s profile has a high volume of photos that aren’t theirs, and I don’t like it.  (more…)

WHAT A BROKEN NOSE TAUGHT ME ABOUT BDSM, NEGOTIATION, AND DEPRESSION

Posted: October 5, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Written By Fox
From the Kinky Sprinkles Blog
(Posted here with permission from the author)

I have written, and re-written this post about a dozen times. I love to share my knowledge of BDSM with others, to better the community and to better myself. When it comes to talking about my own mistakes and issues, the words don’t quite flow the way I want them to. I even considered never writing about this, just keeping it wrapped up in a little ball of self loathing in my chest. I was hurt in play that wasn’t well negotiated. The two tops I played with are people I love and care about very much. The event destroyed me. I was crippled by anxiety, depression and embarrassment that I had let something like that happen. This writing is still very raw, and probably won’t flow quite like some of my other writings do.

In my local scene I have been known to be rough and tumble. I am the tough bottom. When I bottom I am neither submissive nor well behaved. There is something to be said for acknowledging that no matter how strong someone is, we as humans are fragile creatures. I pride myself in trying to be a solid communicator, and setting my boundaries well. Well, I slipped up. Some casual nudging turned into full blown play. Two tops who I have negotiated with, and played with countless times before (I have spoken with both of them about this event). Who they are doesn’t really matter for the content of this writing. I don’t mean to shame them, hurt them or ruin their position in our community at all. This post is about me, and all the could haves and should haves and lessons to be learned. (more…)

Little Justs

Posted: October 2, 2015 by Jordyn in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

just.001 (1)

“Just.”

We use this word… a lot.

I know I sure used to. Just a little late, just a small dent, just a little bigger, just, just, just. It’s a qualifier that signals that something is… less than. Not as important, inconsequential. And it’s this feeling of dismissiveness that’s led me to seriously, carefully consider when I use this word in conversation. I catch myself and others all the time- “Is she just your friend? Is he just your boss? They’re just a secondary, right?” Or, my absolute most hated- “You’re just a submissive.” ” You’re just a top”. (more…)

My Polyamory Philosophy

Posted: October 1, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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poly words

I see this question, or something like it, very often.

“How do you protect your relationship when you open it to others? How do you make sure that you don’t lose what you have to someone else? How do you deal with the pain of seeing that your partner is happier with someone else than they seem to be with you.”

Well, first and foremost, I want to make sure to acknowledge that pain is real. I don’t want anything that I am about to say to invalidate that or anything.

However.

I don’t value the relationship itself and I don’t do anything to protect it or preserve it. As long as the relationship serves the interests of the people, the relationship will endure all by itself. If the costs of the relationship outweigh the benefits, then it needs to either be re-negotiated or ended. Because, to quote a book, “The people in the relationship are more important than the relationship.” (more…)

The Myth of the “No-Limits” Slave

Posted: September 23, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Image used in compliance with Creative Commons 3.0 License

Recently, an individual posted a journal entry claiming to be a “no-limits, 24/7 slave” to her Master. She was upset, because at a recent discussion group, she was told by a number of members of the group that there was no such thing as a “no-limits slave” and in fact that the expectation of 24/7-365 is unrealistic and a path to misery. She was upset about this because, from her perspective, they were denying her reality and failing to acknowledge the way that she expresses her submission.

(An undercurrent tone in her post suggested that she ascribed to the notion that “slave” and submissives are two totally separate groups that do not overlap, which I do not agree with, but that is another rant.)

Here is what I think.

I think the question of realistic expectations is important to understand and I think the person who raised that concern is correct. But that doesn’t necessarily mean that the original person was wrong. (more…)

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