Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Over this last weekend, I had the opportunity to address the Rocky Mountain Rebellion Convention in Salt Lake City. The theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”. Below is the content of that speech, as well as some additional information.

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[Full Text of Speech]

I joined the kink community on July 16, 2006. In the years since, I have lost track of the many parties, classes and social events that I have attended, but I do know that this is my 26th conference. In that time, many dates stand out, but few more than an evening in November of 2013 when I received a call telling me that a friend in the community had committed suicide.

Across the US, in any given year, 1 in 4 adults will struggle with a mental health problem, but because of stigma, lack of availability, and other factors, only a small percentage will seek help. The good news is research tells us that the prevalence of these issues in the kink community are lower than the general public. However, when people in the kink community do face a mental health challenge, they are far less likely to seek help, largely because they do not believe that their lifestyle will be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, SHAME LITERALLY TAKES LIVES.

That’s why I wear a pin on my vest for suicide awareness and prevention. It’s why our organization in Colorado is working with the NCSF and supporting their Kink Aware Professionals (KAP) list, and it’s why I have spent a huge amount of my time for the last year working to train individuals within the community to recognize the signs of a mental health problem or crisis and offer appropriate assistance. Because in a community like ours, no one should ever have to make or receive that phone call.

The National Behavioral Healthcare Council has set the goal of reaching one million people trained in Mental Health First Aid by the year 2020. I am personally working to see that at least one thousand of those are people within the kink community.

You can help by going to MentalHealthFirstAid.org and finding a class near you. If there isn’t a class near you, CALL ME and I will come and facilitate one.

For everyone who has been lost and for everyone who can still be helped, please do your part.

Thank you.

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National Mental Health First Aid
Utah Suicide Prevention Coalition
MHFA Colorado

The other States in the Rocky Mountain region (Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana) currently do not have a dedicated site for information on local classes. If you live in those states, or any other in the country, you can visit the national website so search for a class near you.

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I am a certified Mental Health First Aid Instructor. I am authorized to provide this training anywhere in the United States. If you would like to organize a MHFA training for your area, please feel free to contact me.

XCBDSM@gmail.com

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Thank you to all who approached me after the speech offering resources, connections and assistance. I hope to be in contact with you all soon. If you don’t hear from me, please reach out to me.

Shame Takes Lives

Posted: August 25, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Events, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy

That’s the title of the speech I will be giving at Rocky Mountain Rebellion this Saturday in Salt Lake City.

When I read that the theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”, I realized there was only one topic I could possibly discuss.

I will post the full text of the speech the morning after. For now, here’s a short teaser.

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In any given year, 1 in 4 adults in the US struggle with a mental health problem and only a small percentage of them will seek help. The good news is research tells us the frequency of these issues are lower within the kink community, but it also tells us that people who do experience problems are less likely to seek help, primarily because they fear their lifestyle will not be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, Shame literally takes lives.

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Look for the full text of the speech Sunday morning, right here.

The Error of Silence

Posted: June 2, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Learn Something, Life Log

For-your-own-good-1024x1024 (1)For those of us to the left of the slash (dominant, top, etc), we often make decisions for the good of our partners without telling them. Even with the best of intentions, these decisions often have the opposite effect if we fail to communicate.  (more…)

Looking for a play partner ?

By gypsycowgirl (FetLife)

* Re-posted with permission

I want to briefly touch on something I see posted on Fet all the time. People looking for play partners: a top, a bottom, a Dom, a sub, a casual thing, maybe a long term relationship.

As a woman on Fet my profile attracts a lot of people with foot fetishes, it’s just the nature of the game (and my pictures). I frequently have people contact me looking for someone willing to indulge in foot fetish play. I don’t particularly have a foot fetish, (mine is actually stockings and heels) but my profile attract people who do and that’s okay.

I get that people are looking to fulfill their particular fetish, but how about doing some basic investigating first. If someone actually took the time to get to know me, they would find out I don’t really think my feet are pretty. Do they still look great in fishnet stockings and a stiletto; you can be the judge. Believe it or not, the thought of surrendering my feet to someone is much harder to wrap my brain around than the thought of actually having sex with someone….. Weird, I know. (more…)

Editors Note: For more on this subject, check out the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera

I love being poly. It is intrinsic to who I am- it’s as much a part of my sexual identity as being pansexual or kinky. It’s great, it’s awesome, it’s the best thing since sliced bread (which, admittedly, is not that much of a game-changer in my life). So maybe it’s better than sliced bread.

But. All that said- it’s still really fucking hard. Throw in a D/s dynamic on top of that, and things get real weird in a hurry.

Despite a thorough search, I have been unable to identify the author of this image. Any help is appreciated.

(more…)

A Related Writing From January

I’m not the internet police, nor do I try to be. So I don’t to go around Fetlife reporting people for posting pictures that don’t belong to them, nor do I get all up in arms about it on a regular basis, though I do occasionally participate in the discussions, usually just to correct some misconceptions about the law. But I do notice when a person’s profile has a high volume of photos that aren’t theirs, and I don’t like it.  (more…)

Written By Fox
From the Kinky Sprinkles Blog
(Posted here with permission from the author)

I have written, and re-written this post about a dozen times. I love to share my knowledge of BDSM with others, to better the community and to better myself. When it comes to talking about my own mistakes and issues, the words don’t quite flow the way I want them to. I even considered never writing about this, just keeping it wrapped up in a little ball of self loathing in my chest. I was hurt in play that wasn’t well negotiated. The two tops I played with are people I love and care about very much. The event destroyed me. I was crippled by anxiety, depression and embarrassment that I had let something like that happen. This writing is still very raw, and probably won’t flow quite like some of my other writings do.

In my local scene I have been known to be rough and tumble. I am the tough bottom. When I bottom I am neither submissive nor well behaved. There is something to be said for acknowledging that no matter how strong someone is, we as humans are fragile creatures. I pride myself in trying to be a solid communicator, and setting my boundaries well. Well, I slipped up. Some casual nudging turned into full blown play. Two tops who I have negotiated with, and played with countless times before (I have spoken with both of them about this event). Who they are doesn’t really matter for the content of this writing. I don’t mean to shame them, hurt them or ruin their position in our community at all. This post is about me, and all the could haves and should haves and lessons to be learned. (more…)