Archive for the ‘Advice’ Category

Shame Takes Lives

Posted: August 25, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Events, Learn Something, Life Log, Philosophy
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That’s the title of the speech I will be giving at Rocky Mountain Rebellion this Saturday in Salt Lake City.

When I read that the theme of the event was “Rebelling Against Shame”, I realized there was only one topic I could possibly discuss.

I will post the full text of the speech the morning after. For now, here’s a short teaser.

~~~

In any given year, 1 in 4 adults in the US struggle with a mental health problem and only a small percentage of them will seek help. The good news is research tells us the frequency of these issues are lower within the kink community, but it also tells us that people who do experience problems are less likely to seek help, primarily because they fear their lifestyle will not be understood or respected.

In culturally isolated communities like ours, Shame literally takes lives.

~~~

Look for the full text of the speech Sunday morning, right here.

The Error of Silence

Posted: June 2, 2016 by Isaac Cross in About Me, Advice, Learn Something, Life Log
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For-your-own-good-1024x1024 (1)For those of us to the left of the slash (dominant, top, etc), we often make decisions for the good of our partners without telling them. Even with the best of intentions, these decisions often have the opposite effect if we fail to communicate.  (more…)

Guest Post: Looking for a play partner ?

Posted: April 19, 2016 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something
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Looking for a play partner ?

By gypsycowgirl (FetLife)

* Re-posted with permission

I want to briefly touch on something I see posted on Fet all the time. People looking for play partners: a top, a bottom, a Dom, a sub, a casual thing, maybe a long term relationship.

As a woman on Fet my profile attracts a lot of people with foot fetishes, it’s just the nature of the game (and my pictures). I frequently have people contact me looking for someone willing to indulge in foot fetish play. I don’t particularly have a foot fetish, (mine is actually stockings and heels) but my profile attract people who do and that’s okay.

I get that people are looking to fulfill their particular fetish, but how about doing some basic investigating first. If someone actually took the time to get to know me, they would find out I don’t really think my feet are pretty. Do they still look great in fishnet stockings and a stiletto; you can be the judge. Believe it or not, the thought of surrendering my feet to someone is much harder to wrap my brain around than the thought of actually having sex with someone….. Weird, I know. (more…)

Kinky Poly Is Great! (Except When It Sucks)

Posted: December 23, 2015 by Jordyn in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy, Technique
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Editors Note: For more on this subject, check out the book Power Circuits: Polyamory in a Power Dynamic by Raven Kaldera

I love being poly. It is intrinsic to who I am- it’s as much a part of my sexual identity as being pansexual or kinky. It’s great, it’s awesome, it’s the best thing since sliced bread (which, admittedly, is not that much of a game-changer in my life). So maybe it’s better than sliced bread.

But. All that said- it’s still really fucking hard. Throw in a D/s dynamic on top of that, and things get real weird in a hurry.

Despite a thorough search, I have been unable to identify the author of this image. Any help is appreciated.

(more…)

Why That Picture On Your FetLife Profile Is A Concern To Me

Posted: October 30, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy
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A Related Writing From January

I’m not the internet police, nor do I try to be. So I don’t to go around Fetlife reporting people for posting pictures that don’t belong to them, nor do I get all up in arms about it on a regular basis, though I do occasionally participate in the discussions, usually just to correct some misconceptions about the law. But I do notice when a person’s profile has a high volume of photos that aren’t theirs, and I don’t like it.  (more…)

WHAT A BROKEN NOSE TAUGHT ME ABOUT BDSM, NEGOTIATION, AND DEPRESSION

Posted: October 5, 2015 by Isaac Cross in Advice, Guest Posts, Learn Something, Philosophy
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Written By Fox
From the Kinky Sprinkles Blog
(Posted here with permission from the author)

I have written, and re-written this post about a dozen times. I love to share my knowledge of BDSM with others, to better the community and to better myself. When it comes to talking about my own mistakes and issues, the words don’t quite flow the way I want them to. I even considered never writing about this, just keeping it wrapped up in a little ball of self loathing in my chest. I was hurt in play that wasn’t well negotiated. The two tops I played with are people I love and care about very much. The event destroyed me. I was crippled by anxiety, depression and embarrassment that I had let something like that happen. This writing is still very raw, and probably won’t flow quite like some of my other writings do.

In my local scene I have been known to be rough and tumble. I am the tough bottom. When I bottom I am neither submissive nor well behaved. There is something to be said for acknowledging that no matter how strong someone is, we as humans are fragile creatures. I pride myself in trying to be a solid communicator, and setting my boundaries well. Well, I slipped up. Some casual nudging turned into full blown play. Two tops who I have negotiated with, and played with countless times before (I have spoken with both of them about this event). Who they are doesn’t really matter for the content of this writing. I don’t mean to shame them, hurt them or ruin their position in our community at all. This post is about me, and all the could haves and should haves and lessons to be learned. (more…)

Little Justs

Posted: October 2, 2015 by Jordyn in Advice, Learn Something, Philosophy

just.001 (1)

“Just.”

We use this word… a lot.

I know I sure used to. Just a little late, just a small dent, just a little bigger, just, just, just. It’s a qualifier that signals that something is… less than. Not as important, inconsequential. And it’s this feeling of dismissiveness that’s led me to seriously, carefully consider when I use this word in conversation. I catch myself and others all the time- “Is she just your friend? Is he just your boss? They’re just a secondary, right?” Or, my absolute most hated- “You’re just a submissive.” ” You’re just a top”. (more…)

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