I have been involved in the public kink community now for about 11 years. In that time, I have spent countless hours discussing and debating the nature of what it is that we do, and why it is that we do it. And I have found that there are, generally, a few group of viewpoints on the subject. Many people are a mix of more than one of these.
- The Recreational – Don’t think about it too much. Kink is fun, it’s pleasurable. It doesn’t really matter why or how, just be safe and enjoy it.
The Sexual – Kink is a mechanism for more fulfilling and intimate connections to others. Through kink (with or without actual sex), we can better know one another.
The Analytical – Kink is a pathway to greater understanding of ourselves. Through kink, we can access the full range of the human experience.
The Religious – Kink is an outward expression of a deeper calling or purpose. Through Kink, we become a truer and better version of ourselves.
Any one of those can be completely valid, a true expression of that person and whatever it is that draws them into this new way of interfacing with each other. There is nothing wrong with a person just being in it for the fun and pleasure of it, nor is there anything wrong with a person seeking or seeing a deep beneath what we do. But each of those people may take issue with the other, seeing each other, respectively, either as mindless hedonists who can’t take anything seriously or as stodgy monks who have forgotten how to enjoy anything.
I, personally, think that one can get the most out of kink my keeping open to all four. I’ve had fantastic experiences that fall into each of those categories. Give it a try. There’s great stuff out there. You can have a great amount of fun in the moment, feel connected to the people you did it with, give some thought to the experiences and look for patterns and things you can learn, but also be willing to feel things about them and let that be meaningful, too.
Human interaction is complex. There’s no reason why we shouldn’t allow our kink to be complex, too.