This post is a re-write of a comment I wrote elsewhere on the intertubes. But I haven’t really talked about this here, so I wanted to crosspost.
When pressed, I identify as straight. I do so because I am not attracted to male-ness or masculinity. And I feel that sexual identity is based in your mind, not your behavior. I don’t actively desire sexual contact with men, so I don’t consider myself to be bisexual. I don’t even find the “hetro-flexible” label works for me because it’s not about the “right” man. I’m just not into them.
However, I also put it out there that I have no particular objection to playing with men, in either a BDSM or sexual context. In fact, for certain types of BDSM play, I prefer men. They are generally built differently and I can do different things to them. My inner sadist, I like to say, is non-discriminatory. And that extends to more mental types of play, like humiliation. But at no time is sex something I desire from them. And that’s ok. I get that portion of my needs met by the women in my life.
And if an opportunity presented itself where a good time good be had in a MFM setting, I could potentially be into it, I don’t know. But that would be a case by case thing and again, not something I actively pursue.
And, since I am a switch, people who are in a dominant position over me do have my consent to “force” me to interact with others in whichever way they choose. So the possibility of “forced bi” exists for me as well.
But again, even with all of that being true, I still identify as straight because I have never looked at man and wanted to have sex with him. And since that’s what I choose to base my identity on, it’s pretty straight forward.
There is some missing information, though. For instance, I have been attracted to some people who identify as gender fluid or are androgynous but they all happened to have been born female. I don’t yet know whether I could be attracted to a feminine person who was born male or has male genitals, but I haven’t yet (as far as I know). And that information may change the way I identify. But i’ll cross that bridge when or if I get there.